As the school year kicks off, I found myself wandering through the aisles of Target, gathering essential supplies for my kids. Mechanical pencils? Absolutely! Washable markers? Yes, please! Old-school Elmer’s glue? We won’t use it, so into the cart it goes! Summer has its charms, but by August, I’m ready to reclaim some mental space that’s been consumed by my children’s relentless demands for attention. That is, until the reality of sick days looms.
Let’s be honest: my kids’ elementary school (and every other one out there) could easily be rebranded as “Germ Central Academy.” Sure, teachers assure us that kids wash their hands, use sanitizer, and cover their coughs, but we all know the truth. Kids are, well, filthy. And despite my best efforts, there’s an undeniable law of childhood: germs will find their way from one kid to another, and there’s little I can do to prevent it.
So, in preparation for the inevitable call from the school nurse, I’ve compiled a list of the top three illnesses my children are likely to catch from their classmates this school year. And don’t worry—there are no hard feelings. We’ll happily return the favor once we’re done with them.
- The “Loose Stool” Starter
It all begins with that unmistakable, watery poop—sounds innocent, but the smell is anything but. What starts as a minor issue quickly escalates into a cycle of gastrointestinal chaos, turning your home into a scene reminiscent of a toilet-themed Groundhog Day: Vomit. Diarrhea. A sip of Gatorade. Vomit and diarrhea simultaneously. Dry heaves. Rinse and repeat. Fortunately for everyone, Mom is left to clean up the aftermath—she might even gag a little while scrubbing dried vomit, but that doesn’t count. - The Lingering Cough
This symptomless annoyance is a true attendance record killer. My child had a minor sniffle weeks ago, but now an irritating post-nasal drip has taken over, causing him to cough for what feels like an eternity. He could be doing cartwheels and showing no other signs of illness, yet I can’t send him to school. I know all too well that you’d give me that judgmental look if he’s hacking all over your kid’s beloved Paw Patrol backpack. - The Eye of Pink
Think your family is too clean to catch pink eye? Oh, how naïve. Pink eye is an equal-opportunity affliction. It lurks in the corner of your child’s eye, waiting for you to wipe away that little bit of “sleep” with your bare finger. It’s on the classroom desk you casually touched before readjusting your contact lens. It’s on the pillowcase you laid your head on while tucking in your little one. It’s always there—biding its time—and it’s coming for you.
But don’t despair, fellow parents! While the inevitable sick days may turn your home into a laundry mountain and leave you looking like you haven’t brushed your hair in ages, there are still reasons to celebrate. Sick days are our moment to shine. We’re the ultimate caregivers, providing comfort and all the “feel better” vibes. From extra cuddles to binge-watching Martha Speaks, no one nurses a little one back to health quite like their mom. And let’s be honest—you’ve got that down to an art.
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In summary, as you prepare for the school year, brace yourself for the inevitable sick days. Despite the chaos they bring, these moments are also opportunities for connection and care between you and your children.