“I’ve noticed he’s reading at a first-grade level currently,” I told the pediatrician, my heart racing.
“What?” she exclaimed, a mix of surprise and concern etched on her face. “But he’s 10.”
I hesitated, the urge to emphasize that I’m fully aware of his age rising within me. “Well, two years ago, he was at a preschool level, so he’s actually made two years of progress in that time,” I explained, optimistic that she would acknowledge this improvement. She didn’t.
Our conversation quickly shifted to various dyslexia interventions, with an emphasis on getting him to “grade level.” I walked away feeling a deep sadness for my youngest child, who puts in so much effort yet never feels satisfied with his achievements. I understand why he feels this way—learning disabilities can be incredibly deceptive.
The doctor is experienced with dyslexia and learning differences. She understands the implications of his IQ tests and learning profile. She recognizes the disparity in a child who is exceptionally gifted in some areas but significantly delayed in others. Yet, even with over two years of educational therapy and daily instruction, she seemed shocked that he could only read “Hop On Pop” on his best days. I comprehend her perspective; learning disabilities are indeed tricky.
We explored the options between school and homeschooling. I once believed that school was essential for him to receive the necessary intervention. However, the doctor surprised me by saying, “Given his needs, the school system wouldn’t be able to provide adequate support. You could eventually pursue getting the district to fund a special private school, but that process could take years, and I’m not convinced it would be the right fit for him either.”
So there I was, caught in a dilemma I didn’t voice. Learning disabilities are indeed elusive.
Returning home, I felt drained, burdened by the weight of it all. I left the appointment with valuable advice but also a sense of fatigue. It feels like we are racing toward a finish line marked “grade level.” Yet, that mark holds no significance for my children. My eldest reads at a college level but struggles with basic sequential tasks that require executive functioning. My youngest excels in history and science but couldn’t read the word “said” yesterday.
I realize I cannot hold grade level as the standard. I know this deep down, yet I still yearn for it. I wish our progress were smoother and more straightforward. I crave the ability to confidently respond to inquiries about my children’s academic standing with, “Yes, they are at grade level,” freeing me from the anxiety of wondering if I’m doing enough for them. That nagging worry always seems to surface first thing in the morning and last thing at night: “Am I doing this right? What more can I do? Am I failing these children?”
My children are not mere math equations or projects with deadlines. As convenient as it would be for them to meet grade level expectations, that’s just not the reality for some kids. More importantly, when I reflect on who they are becoming and what will truly matter in their lives, I realize that reading levels and math standards are far less significant.
Today, instead of fixating on what we haven’t achieved, I choose to celebrate what my sons have accomplished. I will focus on the computer that my son built independently in less than two hours and the joy my younger son felt while reading a book he picked up—forgetting the label “Step 1 Ready to Read.”
Today, I will do my utmost for these children. This means recognizing them for who they are and embracing them right where they stand, without concern for their grade level.
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Summary:
In a heartfelt reflection, the author shares her journey of letting go of the pressure associated with academic grade levels and learning deficits. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing her children’s unique abilities and progress, rather than fixating on traditional educational benchmarks. The piece highlights the value of acceptance and understanding in the face of learning disabilities, encouraging parents to focus on their children’s individual accomplishments.