Dear Men,
I want to clarify from the outset that my intention is not to criticize you as a whole or to overlook the positive actions of many. I am fortunate to have wonderful male friends, a supportive brother, an incredible mentor, and a loving husband. I have received assistance from men in difficult situations, including a moment when I was saved from an attempted abduction by a man. I am thankful for the many good men in our society.
However, I am reaching out to you because we urgently need your support.
Every time I turn on the news, I am confronted with another account of violence against women. Whether it’s a jogger enjoying a sunny afternoon, a girl on her way to a friend’s house, or a woman simply heading to her car, the message is clear: we are not safe anywhere.
I recently came across comments on an article discussing victims who were attacked while jogging. A common refrain suggested that if women carried weapons at all times, they could avoid such situations. This perspective shifts the responsibility onto us, the victims, rather than addressing the root of the problem. If you hold this belief, it indicates we have a long way to go in our discussions.
Every day, I step outside my door with lingering concerns about my safety. I face unwanted attention or harassment from men, regardless of their background. I’ve walked through parking lots with my children, only to be subjected to leering gazes from men much older than me. Some may dismiss these experiences as subjective, but I assure you that every woman I know has faced similar situations.
I have experienced being followed, harassed, and touched inappropriately. This started when I was just ten years old, and it has continued through my life. Each night spent alone brings a new wave of anxiety — are the windows secure? Is the garage locked? As I write this, countless women are checking their locks and lying awake, unnerved by every creak in the house.
We live in a world where articles list the most dangerous places for women, and number two is a parking lot — a location we all frequent. Yet, I’ve never seen such a list compiled for men, nor do I ever expect to.
The issue isn’t our knowledge of safety; we’ve been trained to be vigilant since childhood. It’s not about gun access or jogging buddies; the core issue is this: why must we live in fear? It’s simply not fair.
Men, you might think we’re overreacting or that these incidents are rare, but I encourage you to look closer. Talk to the women in your life — your mothers, sisters, friends. Let them share their experiences; it may shock you and open your eyes to the injustices we face.
Once you’ve listened, take the next step and engage in conversations with the men around you. Discuss what you’ve learned and encourage them to listen with empathy. Most importantly, stand with us in the fight against rape culture and victim blaming. Women deserve to live without the constant fear of violence.
This has never been about how to shield us; it’s about the fact that we should not need protection at all.
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In summary, we must confront the reality of rape culture and victim blaming together. By fostering open dialogue and understanding among all genders, we can work towards a safer world where women no longer have to live in fear.