Becoming a parent can leave you utterly unprepared for the unending stream of grossness that comes with raising children. How is it possible for something so cute to be so utterly revolting? From boogers smeared on furniture (and your favorite shirt) to pee on the toilet seat, and let’s not even talk about the random messes of poop. And yes, there will be vomit—lots of it.
Parents quickly become accustomed to the constant presence of bodily fluids, learning that humor is the best way to cope with the chaos. Here’s a lighthearted look at some of the revolting realities of parenting from the witty minds of Twitter.
1. Making a Lasting Impression
Welcome to the world of parenthood! Get ready for an abundance of snot.
2. Food Preferences
While kids can be picky eaters, they’ll have no qualms about putting strange objects in their mouths. Please, let’s not revisit the incident when my son decided to munch on a fingernail clipping.
3. The Silent Awakening
Hearing your baby wake up without crying might seem sweet, but it’s often a sign that they’re redecorating their room with poop.
4. A Guaranteed Mess
With boys, you’ll find yourself holding your nose more often than not, wondering why they can’t just aim for the toilet.
5. A Unique Aroma
Candlelit relaxation is out of the question when you have kids. Instead, you might get a shrieking child covered in snot instead of that calming glow.
6. Sentimental Attachments
Getting attached to bodily fluids may seem bizarre until you’re dealing with a potty-training toddler.
7. Admiring Their Boldness
Sometimes you just have to respect their fearlessness. They have no shame, even when you’re scraping dried boogers off the wall.
8. Trust No One
Keep a bucket in every room and vehicle. You can never be too prepared for what might happen next.
9. Endless Cleanup
Even after diapers are gone, the poop problems don’t just disappear. Sorry to break the news!
10. College vs. Parenthood
Thought you experienced a lot of vomit back in college? Just wait until you have kids.
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In summary, parenting is a wild ride filled with unexpected messes and laughs. Embracing the chaos with humor will make the journey a bit easier as you navigate the ups and downs of raising your little ones.