The summer has been a real challenge.
With my partner heading off to work, I find myself just watching the clock, hoping it will somehow help me fill the endless hours with activities for my three kids. I am their primary source of entertainment, their go-to person for meeting every need. Playdates have been tricky; our friends have dashed off to beaches or family gatherings, or they’re busy with work commitments, much like I once was.
On those sweltering days when the asphalt burns our feet, I dream of the beach, but instead, we find ourselves retreating into our air-conditioned home with every blind drawn. Our playroom’s contents slowly migrate from room to room, and I feel like I’m trapped in a chaotic maze of board game pieces and doll clothes.
To say I’ve been eager for school to commence would be an understatement. However, the relief of transitioning from managing three children to just one—especially while shopping—doesn’t overshadow the monumental reality that my eldest is heading to kindergarten. Yes, kindergarten! Like many milestones in parenthood, this transition is bringing a whirlwind of emotions. Here’s what I’m feeling:
Worry
I fret over the tiniest details. My oldest is not a morning person, and surprise, neither am I. Our current morning routine goes something like this:
Me: It’s time to get dressed.
Me (after five minutes): I said it’s time to get dressed!
Me (five minutes later): Are you still not dressed?
Then, I have to grab the keys, round up the other kids, and pretend I’ll leave her behind in just her underwear, because clearly, kids who prefer solving a Where’s Waldo? puzzle for the 188th time deserve a lesson in neglect.
Frustration
Mornings in our household can be tumultuous. Who knows what next Tuesday morning will bring? I might end up with the only tardy child on her first day of kindergarten.
Concern
After confirming with her preschool friends, I learned that none of them will be in her kindergarten class. I’m not the type of mom who overanalyzes my child’s emotional state, but even so, I can’t help but think about how she’ll cope without her pals. Deep down, I know she’ll adjust, but I’ll still be worrying on that first day, wondering if she feels lonely or out of place.
Apprehension
This is my initiation into the world of public schooling. I see so many parents who seem like experts at managing drop-offs, school lunches, PTA meetings, and homework—things I haven’t even begun to tackle. Someday, I’ll be one of those knowledgeable parents, but right now, I feel like a lost soul walking into my first Zumba class.
Fear
Please, let her not be “that kid.” I hope she remembers to keep her fingers out of her nose, uses her manners, and stops talking when the teacher says to hush. I sincerely wish that between the hours of 7:30 a.m. and 2:30 p.m., she doesn’t utter the words “vagina” or “nipples,” which, unfortunately, are two of her latest favorites. I want her to go out and show the world what a wonderful parent she has.
So yes, my anxiety about kindergarten is real—though I would never let my 5-year-old see it. For her sake, I’ll hold it together long enough to send her off with a warm hug and a wave. Once she’s in class, I may shed a few tears in the car, then drop my middle child off at preschool and head to the grocery store with the baby, grateful for the 180 days of freedom before summer rolls back around.
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In summary, as I prepare to send my child off to kindergarten, I’m filled with a mix of anxiety and excitement, navigating the challenges of motherhood one day at a time.