As a photographer, my profession revolves around manipulating lenses. I frequently swap out different lenses to capture various perspectives—some provide a wide view of my surroundings while others zoom in on the intimate expressions of individuals. I have my go-to lenses, some that I use daily, and others designed to creatively distort reality, all for the sake of art.
This lens-switching mirrors our everyday lives. We each wear different lenses depending on the circumstances—there are joyful lenses, cynical lenses, and even those that skew our perception of reality.
A close friend recently shared her frustrations about her three sons, who have never been good sleepers. For the past five years, she has struggled to get a full night’s rest. Her youngest, a sweet baby not yet a year old, follows in the footsteps of his brothers by staying awake long past bedtime. In her next social media post, she shared a photo of little Oliver sleeping on her lap, captioned, “Mom fail – 33,425,000.”
Yet, she is far from a failure. I’ve known her for over two decades, and few people put in as much effort into what they care about. They have explored sleep training, Ferberizing, employing sleep counselors, and trying every oil, prayer, and trick available. The reality is, she is not failing.
The feeling of failure in motherhood often stems from the lens of sleeplessness itself. Exhaustion can cloud our judgment, making it easy to perceive ourselves as inadequate. The relentless fatigue shines like a harsh spotlight, blinding us to the nuances and details that are essential to a full understanding of our experiences. When we view life through a narrow lens, all we can see are the imperfections and failures that seem glaringly obvious, while the broader context fades into obscurity. Changing the lens or correcting the light can allow those imperfections to blend into the larger picture, revealing a more accurate view of our lives.
Various aspects of life—weight, diet, finances, relationships, motherhood, and even loss—act as lenses that shape our perceptions. Not all lenses illuminate beauty; some only highlight flaws.
So, if you find yourself utterly exhausted, I hope you have a supportive community to lean on. If you’re hurting, I wish for those around you to assist in your healing. If joy graces your life, may your friends celebrate with you, free from their own distorted perspectives. However, if support feels out of reach, remember that your current lens might be stuck. This does not define the reality of your experiences.
To my dear lifelong friend, you are an incredible mother. Your family adores you and my lens reveals your true worth—you are not a failure.
For further insights on parenthood, consider checking out this post on artificial insemination kits, which offers invaluable resources for those on a similar journey. Additionally, this source on postpartum recovery provides essential guidance for new mothers, while this link offers a wealth of information on genetics and IVF.
In summary, our perspectives are shaped by the lenses we wear, and sometimes those lenses need to be adjusted. Don’t let temporary exhaustion define your journey as a parent.