I have a range of names — my first name, a middle name, a last name, and a few affectionate nicknames. I respond to almost all of them, even to “Ma’am” or “Miss” or simply “Hey You.” However, unless you’re my child, I kindly ask that you refrain from calling me “Mom.”
Before my partner and I became parents, I was firm in my decision: I did not want my husband to refer to me as “Mom.” In fact, I was adamant that the title should be reserved solely for my children. It made me uncomfortable when hospital staff referred to me generically as “Mom” instead of taking a moment to check my chart for my actual name.
It bothers me when strangers remark, “Is Mommy having a party tonight?” as they glance at the wine I’m buying. I prefer not to be called “Mom” by my husband in front of our kids. While I’ve come to terms with being addressed as “Mom” by everyone from pediatricians to family friends, that doesn’t mean I appreciate it.
Motherhood is a unique and cherished role — there’s no doubt about that. Some might argue that this title is so significant that it deserves constant acknowledgment. Yet, I believe that because being a mother is so profound and exceptional, only my children should be able to call me “Mom.” It’s a private term, a special designation that belongs solely to them. I’ve enjoyed the shift from “Mama” to “Mommy” and now “Mom” as my kids grow.
Moreover, there seems to be a peculiar fascination in our culture with simultaneously celebrating and belittling motherhood. We hold mothers in high esteem, yet we often attach qualifiers like “mom” to various roles and activities. Women writers are dubbed mommy bloggers; social gatherings become moms’ nights out, and the friends we have who are also mothers are labeled as mom friends.
What is the reasoning behind this? Why do we feel the need to prepend “mom” to everything related to motherhood? Does it really add distinction? If so, in what way?
For some, the label “Mom” acts as a welcome reminder of this vital role. But for me, the identity of motherhood is so deeply embedded in my life that I cherish every reminder of the “me” that exists outside of that role. The woman I was, and still am, lives vibrantly beneath the layers of motherhood.
We mothers embody many roles: caretakers, nurturers, healers, and leaders. These traits exist independently of our motherhood status. They are inherent aspects of our being, just like our love for certain sports, our occasional colorful language, or our preference for specific wines. The maternal parts of our lives coexist harmoniously with other facets of who we are.
Yes, we are “Mom” to those little beings who rely on us. For many, being a mother is one of the most rewarding experiences of their lives. This role enriches us, empowers us, and shapes our identity. Nonetheless, we also possess other identities — as friends, partners, daughters, and women — many of which existed long before we became mothers and are equally significant. It’s essential to remember those aspects of ourselves.
So, unless you’re my child, please refrain from calling me “Mom.”
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In summary, the title of “Mom” carries profound significance, and I believe it should be reserved for my children alone. While motherhood is a cherished and defining aspect of my identity, I value the other parts of who I am equally.