Updated: Aug. 18, 2023
Originally Published: Aug. 18, 2023
I might have a different opinion from my kids sometimes, but I consider myself a fairly easygoing parent. Sure, we have rules that I generally enforce, but I’m also open to hearing their perspectives. If they can articulate a solid argument, I’m inclined to make exceptions.
For example, if my 9-year-old asks me nicely to pick up his clothes because he’s too worn out, I’ll do it. Or if my younger son, with his adorable new haircut, sweetly compliments me on my outfit, I might just give him a lollipop even if it’s not “dessert time.” Admittedly, I have spoiled my kids.
Financially, I don’t have a lot to spare, but I still manage to treat them with toys, video games, and ice cream. Most of our leftover funds are spent on them. After all, they are my world, which is how it should be when they are young.
The reality is, they are kids. They sometimes scream over the most trivial matters, a result of their developing impulse control. Their brains are still maturing, and I strive to be patient with them. While it’s essential to teach them structure, I also want to empathize with their feelings. It’s a challenging balance to maintain.
Plus, they’re just so irresistibly cute, and I want to indulge them for as long as I can. When my 3-year-old wants me to lie down with him during his nap, I find it hard to refuse. When my 9-year-old has a nightmare, I allow him to stay in my room, sometimes for weeks afterward. Why not?
I may be a pushover at times, but there’s one thing I won’t compromise on: I refuse to let my kids become rude. This goes beyond just manners. True manners are meaningless without an understanding of kindness and respect.
So, how do I instill these values in my children? First and foremost, we talk about feelings constantly. My kids might be tired of hearing about emotions, but they are essential in our household. When they misbehave—be it ignoring screen time limits, hitting each other, or rejecting their lunch—I need to understand what’s bothering them.
Sometimes they can’t express themselves in the moment, and yes, discipline is necessary when their actions are out of line or harmful. However, we don’t punish them for their feelings. Once they’ve calmed down, they’re usually able to articulate what’s troubling them.
By respecting their feelings, I’m teaching them kindness and empathy. In return, they’ve become good listeners—not just to me, but to their teachers and friends. How I interact with them sets the standard for how they will treat others. If that means I come off as indulgent or overly lenient, so be it.
What I desire most is for my kids to feel secure, cherished, and loved unconditionally. I genuinely believe that by filling them with love, they’ll have more to share with others.
I’m not perfect; I’m just navigating the complexities of parenting. Regardless of how much I spoil them, it seems to be paying off—my children are kind, respectful individuals, and I believe they’ll grow into compassionate adults who prioritize kindness and respect.
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Summary:
The author shares her experiences as a lenient parent who strives to spoil her children while ensuring they grow up to be kind and respectful individuals. By fostering open communication about feelings and maintaining boundaries, she aims to create a loving environment where her kids can thrive. Ultimately, her goal is to raise compassionate adults who value kindness and respect.