Parenting Insights by Jamie Carter
Updated: Dec. 2, 2016 | Originally Published: Aug. 15, 2016
Photo by Dan Moore / iStock
I’ve discovered through experience that constantly saying “yes” can leave you feeling like a doormat; it doesn’t make you virtuous. In fact, many people I know who agree to everything end up feeling miserable. I have zero qualms about saying “no” when it’s required.
Sometimes, you simply can’t—or let’s face it, don’t want to. That’s perfectly acceptable. Just because you offered to help with one event doesn’t mean you’re obligated to take on every subsequent task. Before long, you might find yourself wearing a forced smile while feeling a surge of frustration towards those who assume you’re always up for it. This feeling is often called “resentment.” When I begin to sense that creeping feeling, I recognize it’s my mind’s way of signaling that it’s time to enforce a firm “no.”
Here are seven things I don’t hesitate to decline:
- Intimacy
I adore my partner, but I have no issue gently saying, “Not tonight, dear.” Sometimes I might even roll my eyes and ask, “Are you kidding me?” The guilt associated with this is negligible. After a day filled with chaos, I have every right to prioritize my comfort. - Volunteering
While I sometimes agree to help out, I don’t feel compelled to raise my hand every time there’s a need. Volunteering is rewarding, but it’s also demanding. My first priority is to conserve energy for my family. - Spoiling My Kids
My children won’t always have the latest and greatest, and I refuse to say yes every time they want something. Denying them certain luxuries fosters resilience and appreciation. They may not understand now, but I trust they will one day. - Watching Other People’s Children
Just because I’m a stay-at-home parent doesn’t mean I’m free to babysit. I have my own life and often need downtime. While I enjoy helping out, I’m also comfortable saying “no” when I need a break. - Intrusive Questions
People often ask, “So, you stay at home? What does your partner do?” or “Aren’t you bored?” Honestly, these conversations bore me. Or they ask about my kids’ snacks and drinking habits—no, I’m not worried. I have bigger concerns, like the state of the world. - Participating in Every Activity with My Kids
We all love spending time with our children, but it doesn’t mean I want to participate in every single event. My spouse recently took the kids camping while I stayed behind to catch up on work and enjoy some much-needed peace. I felt a twinge of guilt, but I quickly let that go as I settled into bed with a good book. - Conforming to Social Norms
Just because everyone else is doing something—like sending their kids to a popular summer camp—doesn’t mean I will. I prioritize what’s best for my family over societal expectations. Keeping up with others can be tiresome; I care about my family’s well-being above all.
Moms play a crucial role in shaping the atmosphere of their homes. We matter, and we know what leaves us feeling overwhelmed. It’s liberating to decline without guilt or apology. Sometimes, saying “no” more often than “yes” is what keeps our household running smoothly, and that’s a wonderful realization.
For more insights on family and parenting, check out our post about the Cryobaby at-home insemination kit. Another valuable resource can be found at Cleveland Clinic regarding fertility preservation. If you’re interested in language development, visit Intracervical Insemination for expert advice.
Summary
Learning to say “no” is crucial for maintaining balance in parenting. It helps avoid burnout and resentment while allowing parents to prioritize their own needs and well-being. Embracing this practice leads to a healthier family dynamic.