Throughout my nursing career, I’ve witnessed countless labor and delivery experiences, and one thing remains clear: each one is uniquely different, even for the same mother. I’ve seen everything from unmedicated vaginal births to rapid labors, and even lengthy 36-hour labors that end in C-sections due to “failure to progress.” Mothers react in various ways during labor—some scream through contractions, others request an epidural immediately, and some seem almost serene, only revealing their pain through subtle movements.
Just as every labor is distinct, so is the experience of bonding with a newborn. When I was expecting my second child, a son, I understood that not all mothers feel an immediate connection with their baby at birth; it’s completely normal for this bond to develop over time. However, I never anticipated that I would be one of those mothers who struggled to forge that connection.
My first labor was swift and straightforward, lasting just six hours. My daughter arrived with a healthy cry and was placed on my chest for skin-to-skin contact right away. In that moment, I felt an instant bond, locking eyes with her as she instinctively sought out the breast. Despite the challenges of labor, our connection was undeniably strong.
With my son, however, things were different. The exhaustion from long work hours and caring for my toddler left little time to focus on my pregnancy. I worried if I could love him as much as I loved my daughter, and I fretted over countless uncertainties: What kind of man would he become? Would I make it to the hospital in time, especially during the harsh Canadian winter?
Labor came quickly, and it was the most intense pain I’ve ever experienced. My doctor later explained that my body hadn’t fully prepared for such a swift delivery. My son was a full pound heavier than my daughter, resulting in minor complications and a lot of blood loss afterward. When he was finally placed on my chest, I didn’t feel that warm rush of love I had expected; instead, I felt cold and overwhelmed.
The first six months with my son were incredibly challenging. I was burned out from managing my spirited preschooler while also caring for a newborn who didn’t fit my expectations of an easy child. Guilt weighed heavily on me—I felt I was misreading his cues and that our struggles were my fault. I blamed myself for not being able to bond and for not breastfeeding as long as I intended. I thought, as a labor and delivery nurse, I should have had a better grasp on motherhood.
Deep down, I recognized that I was likely experiencing postpartum depression, yet I didn’t confide in anyone, even pushing my husband away. I couldn’t bring myself to admit that I was struggling. It felt as if I had lost control, which was something I never expected, given my background and knowledge.
As time passed, I began to accept that my experience with my son didn’t have to be perfect right away. Our love transformed gradually—it wasn’t that immediate, head-over-heels feeling, but rather a slow and steady dance where we learned each other’s rhythm. It became clear that our bond was infinite, ever-evolving as we grew together.
Now, my son is nearly 1 ½ years old, and my heart swells whenever he looks at me. He calls me “Mom” and brings me books to read. I cherish these small moments, realizing they are treasures I once took for granted. The pain and guilt of those early months now feel like integral parts of our stronger bond.
I love my son deeply, and even though it took time for me to recognize it, I wouldn’t change a thing about our journey.
For those who are on a similar path, consider checking out resources like The Center for Reproductive Health for guidance and support. You might also find helpful insights on home insemination at Make a Mom. And if you’re looking for a quick fitness boost, this 5-minute waist workout might be just what you need to stay energized.
Summary
Bonding with a newborn can take time, and it’s entirely normal for mothers not to feel an instant connection. Each labor and bonding experience is unique, marked by personal challenges and feelings. Acceptance and understanding that love can grow gradually is essential. Acknowledging struggles, such as postpartum depression, can lead to healing and a deeper bond with your child.