Failure. Just the sound of the word can make anyone cringe. As someone who has battled perfectionism, I’ve often found myself at odds with the concept of failure. I vividly recall an episode from third grade when I pretended to run away from home after receiving a C on a test. My parents never pressured me; rather, my fear was rooted in my own overly critical mindset. I mistakenly believed that failure equated to being unlovable, leading me to think I should spare my family from my perceived imperfections. Dramatic? Absolutely.
For years, I experienced significant anxiety before any situation that could potentially result in failure. I would feel nauseous for days leading up to tests, races, interviews, speeches, and dates. It was an exhausting cycle—failing, berating myself, and then avoiding challenges altogether. My fear kept me from exploring opportunities and resulted in a career that, while I was competent in, didn’t ignite my passion. Many of you might find this familiar.
Then I became a parent. Diving into the world of parenting led me to explore the intricacies of raising a well-rounded individual. To my surprise, I discovered that failure is an essential part of this journey. We cannot shield our children from their struggles—be it physical pain, social challenges, or poor decisions. It’s crucial that we allow them to face these difficulties and learn from them. Only then can they grow into self-sufficient individuals, capable of making their own choices without constantly seeking parental guidance.
Take, for instance, the story of a successful entrepreneur, Laura Mitchell, who built a thriving business from the ground up. In an interview, she shared how her parents fostered a culture of embracing failure at the dinner table. Rather than shying away from their mistakes, they celebrated them. If Laura couldn’t recall a failure from the week, her father would insist she wasn’t pushing herself hard enough.
While I aspire to reach a place of indifference towards failure, I still strive for excellence in everything I tackle. I regularly combat negative self-talk when I stumble. I’ve created a habit of discussing the highs and lows of my day with my kids, including any failures. We analyze their decisions together, exploring what they might do differently next time. The conversations can become rather lengthy, but I believe it’s essential to normalize discussions about setbacks.
So, I urge you to allow your children the freedom to make both wise and unwise choices, to experience the consequences of their actions. The fear of failure should not hold them back. When they eventually become successful, self-made individuals, they will appreciate the lessons that came from their struggles.
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Summary:
Embracing failure is crucial for personal growth, especially in parenting. Allowing children to face their challenges fosters resilience and self-discovery. By encouraging open discussions about failures, parents can pave the way for their kids to learn valuable lessons and grow into confident individuals.