After welcoming our third son, my eldest, Ethan, began to take notice of the changes in my body. His observations about my postpartum figure were both innocent and candid. He would exclaim, “Mommy! Your belly looks like a deflated balloon!” and “Your tummy is like a flat tire!” These comments, although playful, made me realize how critical my responses could be in shaping his perception of bodies, both female and male.
As we snuggled on the sofa, he would poke at my arm and say, “Mom, your arm is super squishy! How squishy is my arm?” *squishes his own arm* “Mine isn’t as squishy as yours!” When giving me hugs at night, he would add, “Mommy, your belly is so soft and warm, it feels like a cozy pillow. I love it!”
In these moments, I recognized the importance of how I responded to his observations. If I reacted with hurt or anger, what message would that send? Saying something like, “That’s not nice! Don’t say my tummy looks like a flat tire; it’s hurtful!” could imply that my body’s appearance is something to be ashamed of.
Alternatively, if I were to tell him, “You shouldn’t comment on women’s bodies. Just keep those thoughts to yourself,” it might suggest that there’s a stigma surrounding our bodies. While this advice may be suitable for adults, it could discourage my 5-year-old from openly discussing bodies, which is vital for building a trusting dialogue between us.
I could choose to respond with, “I know, but I’ll be dieting and exercising to lose the weight soon,” which sends the message that a larger body is undesirable. Instead, I’m opting for a different approach.
I explain to Ethan how my body used nourishment to support his growth during my pregnancy. I describe how it holds onto nutrients to feed our new baby and how the body takes time to return to its previous form after carrying a child. I share how a mother’s pelvis expands to accommodate the baby, and I make sure my facial expressions align with my words, avoiding any unintended messages.
I tell him I exercise to maintain a healthy and strong body. I discuss the importance of eating nourishing foods that provide energy and promote well-being. I emphasize that I wear clothes that make me feel confident and beautiful.
While I may not be single-handedly influencing the future of how men perceive women’s bodies by discussing my postpartum experience with Ethan, I hope to foster a positive body image and encourage open dialogue about our bodies.
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In summary, by engaging my son in conversations about my postpartum body, I aim to instill a sense of body positivity and openness regarding discussions about our physical selves, allowing for a healthier relationship with body image as he grows.