By Jamie Turner
Before I became a parent, I was sure I had parenting all figured out. I babysat throughout high school, and as a nurse in a bustling city hospital, I was no stranger to the world of children. Nap time and toddler tantrums? Please, I thought I had it all down, despite having never lived with anyone under three feet tall. I remember visiting friends with kids and dishing out ridiculous advice like, “Why not try insert absurd suggestion here?” or “If you simply did insert ludicrous parenting idea here, your child would behave.”
My partner Alex and I were convinced our future children would never experience poor parenting, thanks to our vast knowledge. Looking back, I can’t believe the audacity we had. When our little ones finally arrived, we quickly realized how naive we had been.
It’s a miracle that any of my parent friends continued to support me through the chaotic toddler years after I passed judgment on their parenting choices and offered my unhelpful tips. I fully acknowledge how arrogant it was to think I knew better when I’d never dealt with the challenges of changing a diaper in a moving vehicle.
To those without children who feel the need to dispense parenting advice: please reconsider. You may think you have insights, but trust me, you don’t. I’ve spent 13 years in the thick of parenting, and when someone without kids tries to school me on how to handle mine, I can’t help but roll my eyes so hard I fear for my sanity.
Unsolicited advice can come from all corners, but a few groups seem to excel at it.
Expectant Parents
We get it; you’ve read every parenting book and aced your Lamaze class, but please, keep your comments to yourself when you see me managing my kids at the playground. I don’t care if your research says babies should only eat organic, homemade food. My child will only munch on red Goldfish crackers, and when he’s munching, I get three blissful minutes of peace. You don’t understand that yet, do you? Enjoy your quiet time now, but come back to me in six months, after you’ve locked yourself in the bathroom, sobbing because you haven’t slept in three days. I won’t say “I told you so,” but I’ll definitely think it.
Pet Parents
As a dog owner, I can say this: dogs and kids are worlds apart. So please stop equating Fido’s sleep habits with my child’s nightly escapades. I appreciate that caring for a pet is a significant commitment, but it’s not the same as raising a child. If you have suggestions for training my dog to stop pooping in my room at dawn (seriously, I’d love any tips), I’m all ears. However, please don’t try to relate your iguana’s feeding schedule to my toddler’s mealtime struggles.
Professionals Who Work with Kids
We rely on many professionals to help us navigate the parenting journey—nurses, doctors, teachers, and counselors. However, it’s crucial to consider the perspective of those who don’t have kids of their own. When seeking advice on managing my picky eater, I trust a doctor with children far more than one who has never experienced the chaos of raising kids themselves. It doesn’t matter how highly educated they are; unless they walk the same relentless path I do, their insights are limited. Daycare providers and teachers who don’t have children can’t truly grasp the pressures of parenting from birth through independence.
Parenting is already a daunting task, and the unsolicited opinions of those without kids only add to the stress. It’s hard not to doubt your choices when someone without children suggests that breastfeeding should be done discreetly. Every child is unique, and the more I navigate parenthood, the more I realize that less advice and more empathy would go a long way. So unless you’re suggesting a delightful wine pairing for when I tackle my tween’s common core math homework, I kindly ask you to keep your thoughts to yourself.
For those curious about expanding their family, check out our blog on couples’ fertility journeys. It’s a great resource, alongside washing tips for making the process smoother. Additionally, Resolve offers excellent guidance on family-building options.
In summary, parenting is a challenging and unique journey that can’t be fully understood without firsthand experience. So let’s offer support rather than judgment, and remember that every parent’s path is different.