Who would have thought cargo shorts would earn such disdain? I’ll be the first to admit that my partner has had a significant impact on my wardrobe choices. I transitioned from oversized attire to clothing that actually fits, upgraded from plain t-shirts to more stylish options (because who doesn’t love a good t-shirt?), and swapped out my old jeans for ones that actually look decent. My shoes, hairstyle, and even belts have all seen improvements, largely thanks to her input. Much of my college-era wear has been relegated to the trash or donated, and honestly, I’m better off for it.
Despite the occasional frustrations, being in a relationship has elevated my style. I’m grateful for my partner’s fashion advice, especially given my color blindness. However, every man has his fashion limitations—mine being my beloved t-shirts. For others, it’s their cargo shorts, which have become the target of a widespread crusade led by wives everywhere.
A recent piece in the Wall Street Journal declared cargo shorts as the ultimate fashion faux pas. Women and style experts alike have voiced their disdain for these bulky garments. They’ve even been banned from some golf courses, with Tim Gunn famously labeling them the “least fashionable” item in his closet (seriously, did Tim Gunn actually own a pair?). One frustrated spouse expressed, “I loathe them. The ’90s had some redeeming qualities, but cargo shorts definitely weren’t among them.”
Let’s be honest—there weren’t that many standout moments from the ’90s, and cargo shorts were actually birthed during WWII due to their practicality. Men don’t carry purses, so having extra pockets is essential, especially for fathers. While I don’t wear cargo shorts myself, I’ve seen many dads utilize them to haul everything from smoothies and pacifiers to diapers and toys. In contrast, I’ve yet to see a woman successfully retrieve anything useful from yoga pants, nor have I spotted a pair of cargo shorts with “JUICY” emblazoned on the back. So, let’s take a breather, ladies.
Redbook Magazine even published an article titled “Cargo Shorts Are Ruining Marriages Across America.” Without reading it, I can guess that clothing itself rarely leads to marital breakdowns. Although if I saw my partner in a Yankees shirt, we might need to have a serious talk.
Another woman in the Wall Street Journal article remarked, “It reflects poorly on me, like ‘How did she let him leave the house like that?’” If I ever told my partner I was embarrassed by her outfit or sneakily donated her yoga shorts or, heaven forbid, one of her enormous handbags, our marriage would be in jeopardy. It’s best not to ridicule your partner while secretly undermining their choices.
I would never consider tossing out her yoga pants—not due to fear of backlash, but because I genuinely admire them. They seem so comfortable! If she wishes to wear them constantly, more power to her. Sure, she might want to throw on a dress for a dinner out, but with two kids, who really needs to dress up just to get a handprint on their clothes? And dads don’t have to either.
Parenting is messy and demanding work that often requires extra supplies, even if they come in the form of a ratty pair of cargo shorts stuffed with band-aids and stickers. Sure, they aren’t the pinnacle of fashion, but they serve their purpose and are comfortable. However, if your significant other is sporting camouflage cargo shorts, you might have grounds for an annulment.
This article was originally published on Aug. 4, 2016.
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Summary
Cargo shorts have been vilified in recent years, with many women declaring war against them. While they may not be the most fashionable choice, they offer practicality, especially for dads. The article highlights the ridiculousness of fashion-related marital disputes and emphasizes the importance of mutual respect in relationships.