For several months, I found myself anxious about my upcoming birthday. It wasn’t that I disliked celebrations—I actually thrive on any reason to bake a cake and feel cherished! However, this year felt different. This year, the reality of turning 40 was looming large.
The uneasiness began about six months ago when a former colleague reached out. During our chat, he asked my age, and when I revealed it, he was visibly shocked. “Really? No way! Is that true?” he exclaimed. I couldn’t tell if he was surprised I seemed younger or if it made him feel old, considering he had hired me right out of college 16 years ago. He added, half-jokingly, “You better not mention that on your blog, or you’ll be out of luck in TV!” His words struck a chord with me. In the world of media, a woman’s age can sometimes overshadow her talent, creating a double standard that’s hard to ignore.
As summer wore on, my anxiety morphed into a whirlwind of emotions. I found myself questioning whether I had achieved enough by this stage in my life. Did I still have time to fulfill my dreams? Was I a disappointment for not expanding my family further? Was I still attractive after spotting my first gray hair and facing the rapid changes of perimenopause?
In my despair, I declared I wouldn’t celebrate this milestone. “No parties!” I told my husband. I wanted to hide my age from colleagues, to pretend this birthday wasn’t happening at all. I was, in truth, a hypocrite. While I encouraged my daughters to embrace their true selves, I was struggling to accept my own journey and the body that had nurtured our children. Instead of celebrating my experiences in television, I focused on what I hadn’t accomplished.
But then, a revelation struck me: So what?! So what if I’m approaching 40? So what if my body has changed or if people know my age? I am exactly where I need to be, and it’s time to stop resisting. It’s time to embrace my age and all that comes with it.
As I sit here on the brink of my 40s, I finally feel ready to celebrate the life I’ve led. Turning 40 signifies more than just a number; it represents an evolution. It is a testament to the resilience of my marriage, strengthened through years of challenging infertility. Forty marks the years of perseverance through needles, surgeries, and IVF that led to our beautiful family.
Forty is a celebration of self-acceptance and the courage to pursue what I truly want. It’s an invitation to live authentically, savoring the moments ahead. Years may be mere numbers, but they pass all too quickly, and I refuse to waste another moment worrying about them. Now is the time to live joyfully and genuinely.
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In summary, turning 40 is less about the age itself and more about embracing the experiences and wisdom that come with it. It’s a time for celebration, reflection, and a renewed commitment to live life fully.