Chore charts — I’ve tried every kind imaginable: magnetic, canvas, chalkboard, and even some with shiny star stickers. I have reminders in the bathrooms about wiping toothpaste from the sink, in the laundry room to check pockets and avoid leaving sweaty socks in heaps, and on kitchen cabinets urging them to put dirty dishes in the sink and empty the dishwasher when it’s full.
We’ve been through them all. I even crafted some by hand, believing that a personal touch might inspire my kids to step up and help out. Nope. They’ve shown zero interest. Well-meaning friends with well-behaved children have offered their suggestions, like “Have you considered assigning each child specific areas of the house to manage?” Trust me, I’ve tried that approach too, and it didn’t work at all. It turns out they couldn’t care less if their designated area is a disaster; they’d rather just shift to a cleaner part of the house.
Honestly, my kids are just not good at chores — chore charts, specific responsibilities, weekly tasks — you name it, they’ve failed at it. I’ve finally given up on the idea that a list will motivate them; it just doesn’t.
Bribes and rewards? Those don’t work either. Money, privileges, or any incentive-based system has never encouraged them to contribute around the house. Instead, we’ve developed a more spontaneous system that keeps our home from slipping into chaos. It’s called, “Just do it when I ask or when you see it needs doing.” Simple as that.
Some parents might argue that I’m failing my children by not instilling a sense of responsibility through regular chores. They’re shocked when I mention that my kids don’t do their own laundry or clean the toilets. With four kids aged 8 to 18, our daily life is a whirlwind of organized chaos. Adding chore charts only elevated everyone’s stress level, including mine, as monitoring another list felt like just another job for me. We all seemed to rebel against yet another to-do list.
It’s as if my kids spend their whole school day dealing with strict schedules, followed by homework, extracurricular activities, family dinners, and then it’s bedtime. And let’s not forget high schoolers; they leave at 7 a.m. and often return after 8 p.m. because of sports or part-time jobs (where they even clean toilets!). When are these overworked teenagers supposed to tackle a mountain of household chores?
For now, we’ll continue with our laid-back approach, where I ask for help at various times, and they generally comply. I hope that by gradually shifting the responsibility to them without a chart or system, they’ll learn to take some initiative and eventually take pride in doing things on their own.
Before long, they’ll be off to college, and the state of their bedrooms, bathrooms, and laundry will no longer be my concern. You might wonder, “If you never made them do their laundry, how will they know what to do?” Funny you should ask. I dropped my eldest off at college last month, and on the way, he exclaimed, “Uh, how do I do laundry?” I simply replied, “Check the instructions on the Tide box. Good luck!” And guess what? He figured it out.
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In summary, chore charts may work for some families, but in our home, a more relaxed approach seems to keep the peace. As we navigate the chaos, I trust my kids will eventually learn to take care of themselves.