I was seeking a moment of solitude in the bathroom when I overheard your hushed comment. You might have thought I was oblivious — or perhaps you just didn’t care — but trust me, I heard you loud and clear. When you whispered to your sibling, “Mom is about to snap,” I didn’t feel shame or guilt. Instead, my immediate reaction was, you bet I am about to lose it.
Yes, my dear child, I am on the brink of losing my composure. And while you didn’t ask, let me explain why.
I’m about to lose it because, despite my countless requests — I’m talking around 78 times — to pick up your filthy socks from the kitchen counter, those brown, crusty things are still sitting there. Right in the middle of the kitchen, the very place where we prepare meals and gather as a family. It’s maddening!
I’m on the verge because when I finally got a moment to myself in the bathroom, I found myself sitting in a puddle of pee. You not only forget to lift the seat before doing your business, but you also neglect to wipe it down afterward. I know you see that mess. Don’t even try to deny it. I’ve seen you observe your own pee before, remember? Like that time you casually rested your chin on the toilet seat, saying you were “just watching the bubbles.” I simply walked out, keeping my cool because I’ve come to terms with the fact that kids can be bizarre and messy.
And let’s not forget the door! I’ve asked you a staggering 1,267 times to shut it, yet there it stands, wide open, inviting every fly and mosquito into our home. I can almost hear the electric company chuckling at our expense.
When I say “no,” your response is always a relentless string of “but why?” Your whining is reaching a pitch that only dogs can hear. The competition you and your sibling have turned into an Olympic sport of tattling and wrestling is another source of my frustration.
I’ve implored you at least 26 times to brush your teeth, comb your hair, make your bed, and — for heaven’s sake — put on clean underwear, yet it’s already 2 p.m. and none of these tasks have been accomplished.
There’s dog mess in the family room, and a mysterious odor wafting from… somewhere. Is it the couch? The carpet? Is it me? I honestly can’t tell anymore.
I’m about to lose it because there’s constant chaos around me. I haven’t enjoyed a single moment of peace — whether to think, pee, or eat — in what feels like a decade.
Now, you might think that I’m on the verge of a breakdown all the time, but let’s remember the moments I kept my cool. Like when you decided to cover yourself in permanent marker just before we had plans to go out for dinner. Or when you chose to use the backyard as your personal restroom, even with an actual bathroom just a few feet away. I didn’t lose it then either.
And that indoor water balloon fight? I managed to stay calm, even though every fiber of my being screamed, “Have you lost your minds?!”
There have been plenty of times when I didn’t lose it, even when it would have been completely justified. But a person can only repeat “stop hitting your brother” and “why is there a toy in the dog bowl?” so many times before they start to lose it.
So yes, I’m about to lose it, and that, dear child, is why.
Got it? Good. Now, could you please pick up those smelly socks, shut the door, and brush your teeth? Pretty please? Because Mama needs to indulge in some candy bars while hiding in the closet to maintain her sanity.
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In summary, parenting can be a chaotic ride, filled with moments that test your patience. From messy bathrooms to stubborn children, it’s a journey that requires humor, resilience, and sometimes a little candy bar therapy.