I overheard you say it the other day. That word slipped from your lips just as it did from mine in the past—without much thought or emphasis. We’ve become so used to hearing it from ourselves and others that we often forget the significance it carries.
“I’m just a stay-at-home mom.”
I could sense the apology in your tone, and your self-doubt was palpable. Within that small, four-letter word lies a mountain of fears, worries, and insecurities. I understand this because I’ve been in your shoes; I’ve wrestled with those same fears and concerns. I’ve uttered those words: “I’m just a stay-at-home mom.”
You may fret about not measuring up in your “role.” You might question whether your degree was worth it. You compare yourself to the other women out there who seem to be achieving great things, advancing in their careers, and scaling the corporate ladder. You may feel that being home makes you less worthy, less capable, or less interesting. Even if your partner values your choice to stay home, you worry that appreciation might someday turn into resentment. You may think you don’t embody enough of what it means to be a feminist or that you simply aren’t enough. You worry you are just a stay-at-home mom.
Listen closely: there is no “just” in being a stay-at-home mom.
Motherhood, in any form, is significant. Whether you spend your days managing playdates and diaper changes or balancing meetings and negotiations, all mothers are engaged in essential work. We are nurturing the next generation, and there is nothing trivial or mundane about that.
You are not just a stay-at-home mom; you are a nurturer, ensuring a human life not only survives but thrives. You nourish babies, cradle sleeping toddlers, and comfort preschoolers who tumble on the playground.
You are not just a stay-at-home mom; you are a caretaker, juggling countless diaper changes, laundry loads, and preparing multiple meals to cater to the unique tastes of your little ones.
You are not just a stay-at-home mom; you are a multitasker, reading bedtime stories while nursing a baby and checking your older child’s homework. You’re on hold with the pediatrician while supervising tooth brushing. You stir dinner while engaging in your child’s enthusiastic tales about Minecraft—adding just the right amount of enthusiasm at the right moments.
You are not just a stay-at-home mom; you are a peacekeeper, mediating disputes over toys and soothing tantrums when accidents happen. You skillfully divide snacks and negotiate resolutions over naptime dilemmas and TV choices.
You are not just a stay-at-home mom; you are a healer, tending to scrapes and boo-boos, both real and imaginary. You hold buckets for sick children and apply cool cloths to feverish foreheads. You’ve combed through hair more than once to tackle lice infestations.
You are not just a stay-at-home mom; you are a teacher, guiding your children in tying shoes, singing the alphabet, and understanding the importance of manners. You help your kids learn resilience—how to fail and try again, nurturing their best selves.
You are not just a stay-at-home mom; you are an advocate, teaching your children about true feminism, equality, and choice. You volunteer in their schools, spending hours helping with projects and baking for fundraisers, even if it means enduring a noisy bus ride on a field trip.
Remember, you are not just a stay-at-home mom because you are not merely a mother. You are a Nurturer-Caretaker-Multitasker-Peacekeeper-Healer-Teacher-Advocate.
In other words, you are simply a Mom. The work you do is both challenging and invaluable, as is the work of all mothers, regardless of how they choose to navigate this journey.
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In summary, there is no “just” in being a stay-at-home mom. Every role you play is vital and meaningful, contributing to the fabric of family and society.