By: Jamie Reynolds
Updated: Aug. 1, 2023
Originally Published: Aug. 1, 2023
As a parent, I’ve come to realize just how unnecessary I’ve become. Seriously. Somewhere along the way, my kids grew up and have suddenly become self-sufficient. While this is undoubtedly a positive development, it still stings a bit.
Just last week, my youngest finally got his driver’s license. What a relief! I thought to myself while stuck in the DMV’s waiting area. Gone are the days of being tied to a kid’s schedule. I can finally finish work, clean the house, run errands, and prep dinner without the constant interruptions of shuttling my kids to various practices or trying to squeeze everything in between school drop-offs and pickups.
And let’s not forget about those late-night pickups from friends’ houses! No more frantically throwing on pajamas before 10 p.m. and worrying about being pulled over because I look like I’ve just rolled out of bed. My sleepwear is a far cry from fashionable—think old shorts, a faded tee, and a Mickey Mouse sweatshirt swiped from my brother ages ago. Pair that with my droopy eyelids and messy hair, and I’d definitely raise some eyebrows if caught by the cops.
But here’s the twist: when my son drove off for the first time, my initial reaction was a mix of disbelief and confusion. Wait! I thought, driving you everywhere and complaining about it was my role! Just like that, after 16 years of being a dedicated chauffeur, my services were no longer required. I had been unceremoniously let go.
In our household, it’s a running joke that I’m continually trying to get fired from my “mom job.” Whether it’s whipping up a subpar meal or forgetting to wash a favorite shirt, I often joke, “Just fire me! I’m no good at this!” But I never truly meant it.
I once read that our primary role as parents is to make ourselves obsolete. We teach our children essential skills so they can thrive independently—everything from reading and writing to crossing streets and doing laundry. We want them to be self-sufficient, and, truthfully, we yearn for a bit of freedom from the everyday chaos. Just be careful what you wish for.
It doesn’t matter if you’re a stay-at-home mom, dad, or a working parent—most of us simply want to care for our kids. We enjoy nurturing them, and part of that involves doing things for them. When they no longer need us, it’s a mix of pride (Yay! Mission accomplished!) and sadness (Who will I read bedtime stories to now?).
Of course, I’m not lamenting the tedious tasks that they can handle on their own (I don’t miss diaper duty, that’s for sure), but I do miss certain fulfilling aspects—like driving them around. As their designated driver, I had the peace of mind knowing they were safer with me behind the wheel. Plus, some of the best conversations happened in the car, where they felt comfortable sharing their thoughts without the pressure of direct eye contact. And let’s be honest, I enjoyed eavesdropping on their carpool chats. Kids seem to forget you exist when you’re behind the wheel, and they often say things they wouldn’t dream of sharing directly with you.
Sigh. Those days are behind me now.
I suppose I’ll just have to adjust to my new, streamlined role. While my responsibilities have diminished, they haven’t completely vanished—my 20-year-old son just asked me what’s for lunch as I write this, so I guess I’m not entirely obsolete yet.
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Summary:
As a parent, realizing your kids no longer need you can be a bittersweet experience. While it’s gratifying to see them become self-sufficient, it can also feel isolating. From driving them around to sharing meaningful conversations, the shift in roles is significant. Nevertheless, even as responsibilities fade, there will always be moments that keep parents engaged and connected.