The world can feel quite daunting these days. Whether it’s truly more perilous than it was during our childhood or simply appears that way due to relentless news cycles, I find myself feeling anxious as I raise my three sons to be brave and compassionate individuals. The fear can be overwhelming at times, leading to spirals of dark thoughts and tears. Nevertheless, I persist because I must. Yet, the struggle to leave the house sometimes feels insurmountable. Here are five strategies I employ to shift my focus away from fear and continue parenting through these anxious moments.
1. Focus on What You Can Control
This principle is vital. My father often reminded me that we can only control about 10% of what happens in life, and that’s where our attention should be directed—decisions like where to live, choosing a partner, or selecting a career. Everything else is beyond our influence, so worrying about it is futile. For instance, during a recent tornado watch, instead of envisioning catastrophic scenarios, I prepared flashlights and snacks in the basement as a precaution (which we ultimately didn’t need). Concentrate your worries on what you can actually manage.
2. Assess the Likelihood of Your Fears
When my husband took our children to an amusement park, I found myself losing sleep over the possibility of a mass shooting. As I reflected on my fears, I reminded myself to evaluate their probability. Was the likelihood of a ride malfunction greater than the chance of a car accident en route? The reality is, the odds of my children enjoying a wonderful day with their dad far outweighed those fears. I told myself to focus on the joy and laughter they would experience, and thankfully, that’s exactly how the day unfolded.
3. Express Your Feelings Daily
Mornings can turn into a chaotic rush, but I’ve established a rule: no one leaves the house without saying goodbye to me. This daily ritual allows me to send my loved ones off with hugs, kisses, and affirmations like “I love you” and “Have a great day.” Even after a hectic morning filled with reminders to put on shoes, that final moment is calm and affectionate. In the worst-case scenario, where something unfortunate might occur, I take comfort in knowing our last interaction was filled with love.
4. Savor the Small Moments
Life is composed of countless small experiences. Make a conscious effort to enjoy them. Observe how your child’s tiny fingers grasp a spoon during dinner, listen to their myriad calls of “Mom, look,” and engage with their imaginative stories. Cherish their innocent questions, such as “Do trees moving create the wind, or does the wind make the trees move?” These moments are precious reminders that life is about connections, not just fears.
5. Recognize the Good Amidst the Bad
I recently came across a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Be silly. Be honest. Be kind.” It perfectly encapsulates my hopes for my boys and inspired a fun craft. We painted their handprints and framed them alongside the quote, placing it in our playroom as a daily reminder. While it’s essential to acknowledge the challenges in the world (as appropriate for their age), instilling kindness in them is equally vital. I recall discussing tragedies with my mother years ago, expressing my doubts about enduring such pain. She wisely said, “You go on. Because you have to.” And she was right.
So, take a moment. Open the door. Say “I love you.” And go.
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In summary, navigating parenting in a world filled with anxiety can be challenging, but by focusing on what we can control, assessing the likelihood of our fears, expressing love daily, savoring small moments, and recognizing the positive, we can foster a nurturing environment for our children.