I embrace my reputation as a strict mom, and I take pride in it. Over the years, through countless moments of self-reflection and emotional roller coasters (mostly mine), I’ve become more confident in my parenting approach. When I embarked on this wild adventure called motherhood, I wasn’t equipped with much knowledge, but I held on to three key beliefs: there would be rules in our household, I would raise self-sufficient kids, and sleep would be non-negotiable. After all, I had no intention of pulling all-nighters with toddlers.
I quickly realized that children don’t inherently know right from wrong, nor do they possess the ability to keep their surroundings tidy. Initially, my expectations were modest; I wanted my toddler to assist in cleaning up his toys at the end of the day. Some days, he would only manage to toss one toy into the box while I took care of the rest. Gradually, however, he learned how to tackle his Lego chaos, and the same was true for my daughter when she joined the family. By consistently involving them in cleanup and demonstrating the process, they eventually grasped our household expectations.
Instilling house rules went beyond just cleaning up; it also included fair play and ensuring everyone got enough rest. Our home operates on a strict sleep schedule—naps and bedtimes are not up for debate. Anyone with a toddler knows that explaining why they need sleep so I can enjoy my Netflix time often falls on deaf ears. Sleep is a critical skill, and if I wanted to catch up on my shows at night, I had to equip my kids with the right tools for success. A consistent bedtime, clear rules about staying in bed, and some cotton in my ears during their protests have led to well-rested children who sleep through the night. They learned early on that I wouldn’t always be there to rescue them from their fears.
Now that my children are approaching their teenage years, the focus has shifted to fostering their independence. They are mature enough to handle more responsibilities at home, and I seize every opportunity to teach them essential life skills for when they eventually head off to college. Just as I guided them in cleaning their playroom, I now teach them about adult responsibilities to ensure they aren’t caught off guard when they reach their dorms. I have gradually stepped back from doing tasks for them, allowing them to learn and grow.
Encouraging independence involves teaching the steps necessary for various tasks, establishing routines, and then watching as they navigate the process—sometimes successfully, sometimes not. Recently, my son wanted more control over his lunch options. Seizing the opportunity, I handed him the reins. I stocked the fridge with nutritious products, set some guidelines, and enjoyed my coffee at the kitchen island while he prepared his meal. Within a short time, he even began making lunch for his sister because he loved the process. This newfound skill has made our mornings more pleasant, allowing me to sip my coffee in peace before the bus arrives.
My friends are often amazed to learn that I don’t micromanage my kids’ homework or due dates. I assist with challenging problems and ensure they have necessary supplies, but the responsibility for deadlines rests on their shoulders. Over-involvement in academic tasks can hinder a child’s ability to manage their time and experience the consequences of late submissions. Recently, my son submitted an assignment late, which impacted both his grade and eligibility for the honor society. It was a tough lesson for both of us, but I didn’t intervene. He accepted the consequences, and we both understand that he will strive harder next time. Learning through difficult experiences creates lasting lessons.
I maintain high expectations for my children every day. They are responsible for contributing to household chores, but I ensure they have the knowledge and tools to succeed. With only a few years left before they enter the world, it’s rewarding to see them take initiative around the house. And trust me, their skills in cleaning toilets will be appreciated by future college roommates.
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In summary, being tough on my kids is my way of equipping them with the skills they need to thrive as independent, responsible individuals. It may not always be easy, but the lessons learned today will serve them well in their future endeavors.