Recently, Life of Dad released a collection of insights titled “Genuine Guidance for New Fathers.” One particular quote struck me deeply: “Not everyone had a great dad, unfortunately, so John Smith suggests you ‘Be the dad you wished for as a child.’”
When my first child arrived, I was overwhelmed by fear, uncertain of how to fulfill the role of a father. I still vividly recall holding my newborn son, with his soft, dark hair, swaddled and peacefully asleep. I questioned how I could be the parent he required given my own complex relationship with fatherhood. My dad left when I was just eight and passed away before I turned twenty. He was intermittently present throughout my teenage years, which made the idea of starting a family daunting.
One late night at the hospital, after a long day of sleeplessness, I looked down at my son and vowed, “I will be the father I never had.” In that moment, it felt empowering, like I was breaking a cycle of absence. However, reflecting on that promise now makes me ponder whether I was setting my expectations too high or too low. How can one truly know what kind of father they wished for in their youth?
Sometimes, I simply wanted a dad who remembered my birthday. Other times, I craved a father who would teach me how to fix a car or one who didn’t struggle with addiction. I often looked at friends’ fathers and imagined what it would feel like to have a dad who beamed with pride at the sight of me. At times, I just longed for someone to confide in about the challenges of adolescence; sometimes, I just wanted a friend.
To be completely honest, I wasn’t sure what I needed from a father figure. This realization highlights how tough it must be for fellow parents like me—those who grew up during the 80s and 90s when it seemed increasingly common for fathers to walk away from their families. Now, we all face the daunting challenge of becoming the parent we wished we had.
I still don’t have a clear picture of what that looks like. When doubts creep in about my parenting abilities, I remind myself that at least I’m present, returning home every night to my children. But then I wonder if that’s a low bar to set. Other times, I find myself overcompensating. Just the other night, while my oldest son, Leo, was in bed reading, I expressed my love for him. “Leo,” I said, “I want you to know that I love you. I’m sorry I had to work late and missed our time together.”
Leo looked up, his big brown eyes meeting mine, and I thought about how many times I wished my father had said something similar. Yet, he simply replied, “Yeah, I know you love me. You say it all the time.”
I paused. Could I be overdoing it? Is it possible to tell someone you love them too often? Perhaps I’m only expressing love without addressing other important aspects of fatherhood. It’s a common fear among parents, regardless of their upbringing. But it’s especially intimidating when you lack a clear example to guide your expectations.
That night, when Leo rolled his eyes, I asked, “Do you know why I tell you I love you so much?” He shrugged. I continued, “Because my dad wasn’t around much, and I understand how important it is to hear a father’s love. I didn’t get that often, so I want to ensure you know I’m always here for you. I hope that makes sense.”
He didn’t respond with indifference this time. Instead, he opened his arms for a hug. “I know you love me, Dad,” he said.
“Thank you,” I replied. “Hearing that means a lot to me.”
My father’s absence has fueled my determination to be actively involved in my children’s lives. I refuse to let them experience the void I faced growing up. For that, I am truly grateful; my experiences have given me unique insights. Yet, they also amplify my insecurity about my role and responsibilities as a parent, leading me to constantly reflect on my actions and choices.
Nevertheless, I persist. I seek advice from my partner and put forth my utmost effort to ensure my children understand my commitment to their well-being. It’s disheartening to think these feelings may never truly fade.
For more insights on family and the journey of parenting, check out this article on home insemination kits. Another valuable resource can be found at Science Daily, which covers health and fertility topics extensively. Also, if you want to explore the fun side of parenting, check out this piece that celebrates National Pizza Month!
In summary, the journey of parenthood can be overwhelming, particularly for those of us who didn’t receive the guidance we needed as children. Yet, with determination, love, and support from our partners, we can strive to be the parents we wish we had.