Let’s Stop Judging Parents for Public Tantrums

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A few weeks ago, my 2-year-old was in the midst of a monumental meltdown while we were on our way to grab some donuts. I had promised my older kids a treat for their help in tidying up the house, so I didn’t want to punish the whole group just because their little brother was having a tough time. Instead, we opted for the drive-thru. I remained composed as my son screamed, but then he erupted with, “I’ll take two silly heads and one ugly face!” while thrashing about in his seat. Those were the only “bad words” he knew, and in his frustration, he aimed to express himself.

I did my best to sidestep a public scene, but it was clear the entire restaurant caught wind of the chaos. The reality is, kids will throw tantrums—sometimes in the comfort of home, and sometimes in the middle of the grocery store.

Let’s face it: it’s 2019, and it’s time to move past the notion that children should only be seen and not heard. Instead of judgment, we should approach public tantrums with empathy, keeping the following points in mind:

1. Tantrums are a Normal Phase

Tantrums are a typical aspect of childhood development. I’ve witnessed this across all three of my kids, even my typically well-behaved eldest. She could be the picture of calm, but occasionally, she too would lose her cool in public. It didn’t mean she was a misbehaved child; she often returned to her delightful self shortly after.

2. It’s Not About Discipline

In my younger years, I was quick to assume that tantrums stemmed from poor discipline. I would watch parents struggle while I enjoyed a night out, judging them from the sidelines. Yet, I’ve since learned that my own children have interrupted my moments of relaxation with their own tantrums, and no amount of discipline seemed to help in those moments.

3. All Kids Experience This

Let’s be honest: every child has a moment of frustration at some point. They are still figuring out how to communicate their feelings and needs. Sometimes, they simply have a bad day, just like the rest of us. Honestly, I feel like throwing a tantrum every now and then too, but instead, I opt for a drink to calm my nerves.

4. No One Enjoys the Moment

When a child is throwing a fit, it’s uncomfortable for everyone involved—the child, the parents, and even the bystanders. Just like we endure things in life that we don’t enjoy, tantrums are part of the parenting experience. In fact, witnessing a screaming toddler can make the peaceful moments at home seem even more precious.

5. Don’t Overstep

Refrain from trying to parent someone else’s child. This can confuse the child further and frustrate the parents. Most parents are fully capable of managing their kids and deserve the space to do so without unsolicited advice or judgment. It’s their responsibility to advocate for their child.

Tantrums are simply part of life. If you go out in public, you will likely witness one, and a little compassion for the parents goes a long way. So, prepare yourself for the occasional public outburst, and remember: kindness is always better than scorn.

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In summary, tantrums are a normal and challenging part of parenting that everyone encounters. By fostering a culture of understanding and patience, we can help create a supportive environment for all families.