Recently, my partner and I found ourselves in a bit of a pickle. After moving into a new apartment, we went on a five-day camping trip, and amidst all the chaos, we completely forgot to pay our rent. My partner called me in a panic, revealing that our payment was overdue. Fortunately, our landlord was understanding, but I was at a loss. I couldn’t find our checks, nor did I recall our account number. The stress began to mount, and to make matters worse, my 3 and 4-year-olds chose that exact moment to have monumental meltdowns, fighting over the TV remote and testing my patience to its limits.
In that moment, I snapped. I didn’t want to, and it wasn’t my intention, but the whirlwind of stress clouded my judgment, and I took out my frustration on my kids. It’s disheartening to admit, but this isn’t the first time that external pressures have impacted my parenting.
I’m only human, and mistakes are part of the journey. I often view life—especially the challenging aspects—through a lens that exaggerates negativity. I can turn minor issues into major catastrophes, and my stress inevitably seeps into my interactions with my children. If I’m anxious about an upcoming event, I may find myself distracted and less engaged. After a disagreement with my partner, my patience can wear thin with the kids. And during times of tragedy, my enthusiasm for my son’s antics may wane.
It pains me to acknowledge this because I aspire to be the perfect parent who meets all of my children’s emotional needs while shielding them from life’s harsher realities. But the truth is, perfection is unattainable. I tend to overthink, and the lines blur between my roles as a woman, wife, friend, and mother.
Recognizing these patterns is the first step towards improvement. On good days, I manage to take a step back, breathe deeply, and compartmentalize my worries. I remind myself to focus on my children, knowing I can return to my concerns after bedtime. However, there are also days when the weight of life becomes overwhelming. On those tough days, like that morning with the rent, I might lash out at my kids, ignore them, or just feel downcast all day long.
On those days, I make a point to apologize to my children. I explain in simple terms that I’ve had a rough day and haven’t been at my best. I tell them I’m not perfect, but I strive to do my best, and today my best means acknowledging my shortcomings. They might not grasp the full meaning, but they learn that I’m not infallible, that it’s important to apologize when wrong, and to extend forgiveness when someone says they’re sorry. “It’s okay, Mom,” my 3-year-old often says as he hugs me tightly.
I’m not invincible. Life’s challenges can stir my emotions and impact my parenting. Yet, I’m committed to doing my best. On days when that doesn’t feel sufficient, I remind my children that I’m human, I apologize, and I promise to improve. That’s a vital lesson I want them to take with them as they grow.
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In summary, while I may struggle with the pressures of parenting, acknowledging my imperfections and working through them is essential. I strive to create a loving environment for my children while teaching them valuable life lessons about making mistakes and seeking forgiveness.