I Yearn for a Solo Trip to the Hair Salon!

Adult human female anatomy diagram chartAt home insemination

Like many mothers, I find myself longing for some quality “me” time. I used to fantasize about having a moment of solitude while using the restroom, you know, just to enjoy a bit of privacy. But now, I’ve become so accustomed to having a little helper during these moments that the idea of being alone feels foreign. After all, it’s like I have my own assistant on call: “Could you kindly pass the toilet paper, darling? And don’t forget the wet wipes — I’m dealing with a postpartum predicament that’s less than pleasant. Yes, it’s your fault, now please, the wipes, and a courtesy flush would be appreciated.”

While I appreciate the assistance in the bathroom, there’s one place I desperately want to visit alone: the hair salon. Allow me to elaborate, my little shadow.

I want to feel like Cinderella for a day, allowing my fairy glam-mother to work her magic and turn me into a princess, ready to dance the night away before returning to my everyday chaos at midnight. I don’t need my bathroom attendant for this one; I can handle it solo.

I crave that luxurious scalp massage during a shampoo that feels as indulgent as a steamy scene from a romance novel. I don’t want to be interrupted by a 2-year-old’s antics, especially when they decide to play a game of gymnastics on my lap during my blissful wash.

I desire some peace and quiet as I get my long-overdue color and cut. I can’t manage a mini rodeo happening on my lap with a little one brandishing a sticky lollipop while I’m trying to enjoy my blowout. More split ends, and I might just need to kick someone off my lap!

I yearn to lose myself in the upbeat techno music in the background, swaying beneath my stylist’s cape like I’m reliving my club-hopping days. I definitely don’t want to hear the soundtrack of “D-D-D-D-Dora” blaring from my phone just to entertain a pint-sized audience.

I want to admire my stylish new ombre hair and channel my inner Jennifer Aniston — not while balancing a 30-pound toddler on my lap. I don’t need a tiny narcissist stealing the spotlight; I just want to revel in my beauty.

I want to sip on endless glasses of complimentary wine, easing the guilt of splurging two hundred bucks at a high-end salon while trying to keep my husband oblivious to our dwindling finances. The last thing I need is a little one snatching my glass and declaring, “Mommy can only have one glass of juice!”

I crave an afternoon of pampering without having to apologize for any loud noises or silly words coming from my little mimic who shouldn’t be echoing me in public spaces. I don’t want to shush someone who is literally on a sugar high, making a scene.

I need my tiny tot to head home — without me. Text Dad. Call an Uber. Do something! No offense, sweet pea, I love you, but today is for me and my stylist. My hour-long session isn’t just about hair; it’s a mini therapy retreat where I can chat without interruptions. Believe it or not, she never cries or throws tantrums. In fact, she reminds me that it’s all about me.

She doesn’t call me mean names. Instead, she transforms my messy hair into something breathtaking. Somehow, she manages to make me look ten years younger without any Botox.

Even better, she replaces my ordinary mom bun with fabulous curls, giving me days of carefree happiness, allowing me to move my head like I’m in a dance-off instead of at home.

She is my go-to confidante, as I struggle to connect with my bedwetting, sippy-cup drinking peers. My stylist laughs at my jokes and tells me I’m a fantastic mom, which makes her my best friend forever. Even if she’s just flattering me, I appreciate her talent for spinning my woes into something worth sharing.

And let’s be honest, she’s the one person who allows me to vent about the chaos of motherhood without judgment. Poor thing, she has to listen to me lament about not getting to enjoy this time alone.

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In Summary

Every mom deserves a break now and then. A solo trip to the hair salon can provide the perfect escape to recharge and indulge in self-care. So here’s to all the mothers craving a little time away — you deserve it!