About 15 years ago, I experienced a nightmare scenario: I lost my 3-year-old son in a department store. Those agonizing five minutes felt like an eternity. Thankfully, kind strangers helped me call out for him, and we eventually found him hiding among the clothes. I was shaking, tears streaming down my face, overwhelmed with embarrassment and shame, convinced it was my fault. The same strangers who helped me were quick to reassure me: “It happens to everyone. Kids can be fast!” and “Don’t dwell on this. You’re a great mom; he’s alright!”
Recently, while sharing this story with a new mom, she expressed a shocking fear that made me genuinely sad for today’s parents. She said, “Sometimes I hesitate to take my child out because if something like that happened to me, I worry that strangers wouldn’t be so kind. They might blame and shame me, even post about it on social media, declaring, ‘This terrible mother lost her child in Target today.’ It’s terrifying for me, not just for my kid.”
This sentiment is heart-wrenching. When did parenting in public become a source of anxiety? Are the threats of social media shaming, judgment, and scrutiny keeping parents indoors? Are they more concerned about how they’ll be perceived than about their child’s experiences? It seems so.
I often wonder if my boys will get questioned by neighbors when they ride their bikes around the block. Will someone take a picture of them playing at the park without adult supervision, or worse, call the authorities? If they were to get hurt and ask for help, how quickly would I be blamed for not being there?
When we’re out together, and they accidentally get hurt at a playground or amusement park, will my parenting skills be put into question? It’s all too common for parents to go from receiving sympathy to defending themselves against accusations in an instant.
Fostering a culture of fear around parenting is not the solution. Keeping children indoors, isolated from the world, simply because it seems dangerous is not how we cultivate confident and resilient kids. The irony is stark: we’re keeping our children sheltered out of fear of being criticized for parenting in public. The consequences of overprotective parenting extend beyond the supposed harm to kids; they have permeated our perception of what modern parenting entails. “You must supervise constantly, or you’re failing as a parent! Accidents should never happen! Clearly, you weren’t doing your job!”
Ultimately, these are your children. Raise them according to your values. Don’t let fear dictate your decisions, nor should you second-guess yourself or entertain all the unlikely what-ifs in life. That path only leads to exhaustion and resentment.
While it’s true that it takes a village to raise children, it’s essential to recognize when members of that village come armed with judgment. Don’t allow them to keep you from exploring the world with your kids. They deserve to experience life without your fear of imperfection overshadowing their adventures. We must not allow the fear of judgment to factor into our parenting equation, as it will never yield a positive outcome.
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In summary, parenting should be a journey of joy and growth, not fear and shame. Embrace your role with confidence and allow your children the freedom to explore the world.