Dear Mom of a Child with Unique Needs,
As someone who has faced depression and anxiety, I understand the importance of person-first language. I prefer to be referred to as “a person living with depression” rather than simply a “depressed person.” This perspective guides me when thinking about how to speak about your child. However, I find myself unsure about what language to use. Is “disability” acceptable, or should I avoid it? What about “sick”? I want to be sensitive and considerate, as my intention is to be kind and sincere.
I realize I don’t need to describe your child, yet I feel compelled to foster a friendship between our kids. It’s crucial for my children to learn that those who are different are valuable members of our community and deserve the same respect as their neurotypical peers. Above all, I simply want my kids to have friends from all walks of life, free from any semblance of tokenism.
When it comes to discussing your child with my own, I could really use your guidance. I’m uncertain about what words are respectful and appropriate, and I want to honor your child’s privacy. For instance, I wouldn’t want to share personal details, such as when your child began speaking, unless you feel comfortable with that. Yet, if my son notices something unique, he may ask questions that require thoughtful answers. I hope we can navigate this together.
I genuinely want to connect, as I can only imagine how isolating it must be for you and your child. There are many misconceptions and biases to confront, and I know that managing medical appointments and therapies can complicate playdates. It must feel lonely at times. How can my child and I support you? I’m here to listen, and if you’d prefer a break from medical discussions, that’s completely fine too. Let’s have a chat.
I truly hope we can form a friendship. I assure you that when we see you in public, I will treat your child as an individual rather than defining them by their condition. If my kids have questions, I will do my best to answer them and encourage them to talk to you if they want to know more. Please feel free to introduce your child to mine when they approach. It would be wonderful for them to bond, as my kids enjoy making new friends.
Before I wrap this up, I have just one question: Can your child join us at our Lego table? If not, don’t worry; we’ll find another way to play together.
Thank you for reading this letter. I appreciate how precious your time is.
Warmly,
A Fellow Mom