“Why blend in when you were meant to stand out?” –Dr. Seuss
My family definitely stands out. My children are Asian, while my husband and I are Caucasian. It’s pretty clear to most that our kids are adopted.
I understand that being unique can spark curiosity, stares, and even comments that, while perhaps well-intentioned, can feel invasive or even offensive. I do my best to respond with grace, but it’s not always easy, especially when confronted with absurd questions and remarks. Here are a few of the most ridiculous ones I’ve heard:
- “What happened to their real parents?”
I’d prefer to use the term “birth parents.” And honestly, that’s not something you need to know about. Questions like this lead to awkward moments at home, with my kids asking, “Aren’t you my real mom?” or “Why do people ask if we’re real siblings?” It’s frustrating when others’ ignorance brings up sensitive topics that we discuss privately. - “Your child is so lucky/You’re a saint for rescuing that poor orphan.”
Let’s set the record straight: I’m neither a saint nor a superhero. My child is not a charity case, and my husband and I weren’t on a quest to save anyone. We simply wanted to be parents. - “Can’t you have your own kids?”
This inquiry is just awkward. Who wants to discuss their reproductive health with a stranger? - “Why did you choose to adopt from X and not Y?”
Questions like this can feel like a personal attack. There are countless reasons for choosing a particular adoption route, and it’s not really anyone’s place to question those decisions. - “Isn’t adoption the easy way to have kids?”
While I might not have experienced morning sickness, my journey to adoption was far from easy. It involved heartache, miscarriages, and potentially costly fertility treatments. So, using the word “easy” is misleading at best. - “I could NEVER…”
This type of statement is frustrating. It’s easy to claim how one would act in a situation they’ve never faced. I find it hard to appreciate such comments. - “How much did it cost?”
Asking about adoption expenses is as intrusive as inquiring about someone’s debts. If you catch yourself wanting to ask this, pause and reconsider your motives. Instead, you could simply compliment the child or suggest grabbing a drink to celebrate. - “Do you think they’ll grow up to be communists?”
Really? We adopted from China, a communist nation, but our kids are now U.S. citizens. My primary concerns are their happiness and success, not their future political views.
Curiosity is natural, but it’s crucial to consider your relationship with the person before asking personal questions. If you wouldn’t approach a mom of a large baby and comment on the delivery process, perhaps you should think twice before questioning families that stand out for other reasons.
In summary, it’s important to approach others with sensitivity and respect. Being an adoptive parent comes with its own set of challenges, and a little awareness goes a long way. And if you want to learn more about family planning, check out this at-home insemination kit for some helpful resources. Also, if you’re curious about vitamin D during pregnancy, visit this expert site for guidance. For those considering the financial aspects of adoption, this resource offers valuable insights.