Growing up, my father was emotionally distant and rarely communicated with my siblings and me. He seldom engaged in play and often exhibited a cold demeanor, which stemmed from his own upbringing with an abusive father. To cope, he built an emotional wall around himself.
When I became a father, I lacked a positive role model to emulate. I was confronted with the challenge of shedding the emotional baggage from my childhood and evolving into a nurturing father figure for my son.
We often operate on “cruise control,” allowing our unconscious reactions to dictate our behavior, shaped by our past experiences. For instance, when my young son excitedly asked, “Dad, can we play with cars?” my initial reaction was one of reluctance—my inner voice echoed my father’s disinterest.
However, I had made a conscious decision to be a better father than my own. Rather than defaulting to my old patterns, I began to ask myself pivotal questions: “What kind of dad do I want to be?” “What kind of father did I wish I had?” “What does my son truly deserve?”
To my son, I responded with enthusiasm, “Absolutely, buddy!” I got down on the floor, selected a tiny car, and although it felt strange at first—having played alone as a child with an older brother—I soon found joy in our playtime together.
My son grew up with the father I actively chose to be, not the one I was conditioned to become. I shifted from cruise control to manual mode, making intentional choices about my behavior. While it requires effort to consciously decide how to respond, not everyone has the privilege of growing up in a loving environment. Our automatic reactions often emerge from past experiences. We can train ourselves to pause and reflect on how we want to interact in our roles—whether as a parent, partner, or friend—and respond in ways that align with our values.
Engaging with our children on their terms can be transformative. For more parenting tips, you might find this post on yoga for kids helpful, as it emphasizes the importance of nurturing connections. Additionally, if you’re considering family planning, check out this excellent resource on IUI success. You can also explore our insights on at-home insemination kits for a deeper understanding of family creation.
In summary, I chose to break the cycle of emotional unavailability and instead, embraced a role of engagement and support as a father. By intentionally reshaping my responses, I became the father my son needed, nurturing his growth and happiness.