It’s a bright, sunny Wednesday at 11 a.m., and my tween is tucked away in her room. I take the dog for a walk, run some errands, and manage a few hours of work, yet three hours pass with no sign of my sixth-grader. I peek in to find her still in her pajamas, engrossed in her iPad.
“Hey there,” I call from the doorway.
“Hey Mom,” she murmurs, not looking up. The scent of unwashed hair mingles with a hint of fruity body lotion.
I hesitate, wanting to encourage her to get up and do something, but I resist the urge. “Don’t forget to eat,” I remind her as I quietly close the door.
Not long ago, this scenario would have sent me into a panic. When my older daughters were younger, the idea of a summer with no plans horrified me. I envisioned a chaotic house filled with dirty laundry and forgotten snacks. Watching their friends attend arts camps, science workshops, or even volunteering stoked my anxiety. There was no way I’d let my kids lounge around all summer. Instead, I scheduled them into day camps, family visits, and educational outings.
During those early years, structured summers kept us all sane. My kids thrived on the busyness, and if I had suggested they laze around, they would have embraced it for a day or two before whining about boredom. My summer was spent coordinating outings, crafting projects, and shuttling them to friends’ houses. It was clear they needed more structure.
Then came the tween years.
When my eldest returned from sleepaway camp declaring she was done with day camps, I panicked. I tried to convince her that abandoning organized activities was a slippery slope to laziness and ignorance. But she stood her ground. With no ability to force her into camps or volunteering, I reluctantly agreed to let her do… nothing.
I chuckled to myself, thinking, let’s see how long she lasts.
The first week confirmed my worst fears: she lounged in pajamas, skipped showers, binge-watched shows, and devoured bowls of cereal throughout the day. The house developed a distinct odor from her snack choices. My maternal guilt began to rise. Shouldn’t I be pushing her to try new sports, read classics like War and Peace, or at least watch something educational? Wasn’t it my responsibility to oversee her development at all times?
Week two began similarly, but then something shifted. She asked to go to the pool for laps, took the dog for walks without complaint, and arranged to meet friends for frozen yogurt. In her downtime, she picked up books instead of screens, created a photo collage, and sorted through a year’s worth of old schoolwork.
As my daughter took the initiative to plan her relaxed days, my worries began to fade. We found moments to connect, lying on my bed reading side by side, something we rarely did. We went grocery shopping together, baked, and took leisurely walks. While I still had my errands to run and she indulged in her favorite shows, we both enjoyed a more relaxed pace. The absence of rigid schedules allowed us to unwind, leading to more smiles and less stress.
The reality is, everyone needs time to recharge. With busy school schedules, summer is their only chance to truly relax. Allowing my daughter the freedom to simply be inspired me to do the same. In a world that often prioritizes productivity over idleness, choosing to stay in pajamas and binge-watch shows for a week or two feels like an act of rebellion. I know a certain tween—along with her mom—who is all too happy to join that revolution, even if it’s just for the summer.
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In summary, I’ve learned that allowing my tween to have an unstructured summer can lead to unexpected growth and creativity. Embracing downtime is essential for both of us, and it fosters a happier, more relaxed environment.