You may flaunt a beach-ready physique, but I find myself in a different reality.
Many of us have seen that viral video featuring moms joyfully playing with their children on the beach, radiating happiness as they capture the moment. The message? Your physical appearance doesn’t matter; what counts is your presence. It emphasizes that you, as a mother, are what your children cherish and need, regardless of your body’s imperfections in a world that often idolizes the unattainable ideal of youth and slimness.
Navigating Insecurities
When it comes to water activities, I have a strategy: I either don a loose rashguard or I avoid the water entirely. It’s my way of navigating these insecurities. I remind myself that my kids and my partner love me for who I am, and their opinions should hold the most weight. Yet, I can’t shake my own perceptions. The idea of being scrutinized by others makes me uneasy.
My beach attire usually consists of a bikini paired with a breezy red dress, complemented by oversized sunglasses and a floppy straw hat. In a last-minute attempt to mask my insecurities, I suck in my stomach just before shedding my outer layers to slip into a black rashguard. The bikini bottoms are designed to tie at the sides, ensuring they don’t dig into my hips. I hurry to the water, immersing myself up to my thighs, seeking refuge from judgment.
The Body Positivity Movement
The body positivity movement encourages self-love for our flaws: the soft belly, the rounded hips, the jiggly thighs, and sagging behinds. These are all parts of who we are, and I genuinely believe in the beauty of diverse bodies. I can look at women who are larger than me and think they’re stunning; I admire curves and confidence. However, that acceptance doesn’t extend to my own reflection.
Perhaps it’s tied to my past. I was often referred to as the “skinny girl,” a label my family praised like a compliment. In contrast, my sister was the one deemed beautiful, and I clung to my “skinny” identity for validation. Many of us carry similar stories—moments that shaped our understanding of beauty, often through harsh words or critical comparisons. The onset of pregnancy brought those insecurities to the forefront, etching new narratives into my body that I struggled to accept.
Finding Humor in Insecurities
I recently created a meme that reads: “How to get bikini-ready: just wear a bikini.” I do believe that, and I recognize the beauty in all body types, from thick thighs to fuller figures. Yet, when I look in the mirror, I struggle to apply that belief to myself. My stomach hangs like crepe paper due to the 100 pounds I gained during my last pregnancy; my thighs bear the marks of keratosis pilaris, and my torso creases into my hips. I rely on Spanx to smooth out my figure, and my rear end is just plain disappointing. While I can’t change my thighs, I can conceal the rest with a black rashguard, which camouflages my stomach and hips. Once I’m in the water, the rest of me is hidden too.
Choosing Modesty
Choosing between getting my hair wet and covering my body is a frequent dilemma, but I often opt for modesty. This way, I can enjoy swimming with my children, who love it when I pretend to be a dolphin or toss them into the water, eagerly requesting, “Mom, can you throw me?” Even if I’m not as strong as my partner, their laughter makes it worthwhile. Participating in these moments is crucial for them, and I’m glad to be involved.
I can still engage in other beach activities while wearing my dress. I can wade with the baby, collect shells, and build magnificent sandcastles—all without needing to put on my rashguard. Memories are created through these experiences, and they don’t require my kids to see my belly.
Embracing My Body
Perhaps someday I will fully embrace my body. After all, I have a bikini—always black. With each passing year, I recognize that I won’t resemble the youthful ideal for long. Logically, I know I should embrace my form while I still can, but the emotional struggle remains.
Resources for Future Mothers
For those contemplating motherhood, it’s important to consider the various aspects that come with it. Resources like this link provide valuable insights. If you’re looking to explore options for conception, check out our post on this page, which is filled with helpful information. For further guidance on pregnancy and home insemination, this link is an excellent resource.
Conclusion
In summary, our journeys with body image, motherhood, and self-acceptance are intricate and personal. We may grapple with our reflections, but it’s essential to prioritize the moments that matter with our loved ones.