Not too long ago, I penned an article for a popular parenting site titled “Just Because I Get Up in the Night Doesn’t Mean I Deserve Recognition.” It stemmed from a rather foolish argument with my partner where I claimed she should appreciate my late-night efforts. “Most guys don’t do this,” I insisted. In the end, I realized my mistake and apologized. The piece caught on, going viral and translated into various languages.
What I’ve come to understand is that fathers are indeed stepping up more than ever. I’ve received numerous messages from mothers expressing how much they value their partners for doing things like dishes or laundry or, like me, getting up during the night with the kids. However, what they find frustrating is when dads act as if they deserve a medal for these efforts.
I totally understand, dads. I’m doing significantly more than my own father did when it came to parenting. I remember grocery shopping with my mother while my partner was home with our three kids. As we navigated the aisles, she asked about my shopping habits. I mentioned how I often handle late-night wake-ups and do laundry too. She was baffled, given that my father didn’t pitch in like that when I was growing up. His role was to work, earn the paycheck, and come home. Unfortunately, many fathers still cling to this outdated view that their financial contribution is all that’s required, and anything more should earn them praise.
But we’re in a different era now. Fathers are no longer just second-class parents; we are equal partners in child-rearing. This is fantastic! I have a stronger bond with my kids than my father ever had with me, and it’s largely because I see parenting as a shared responsibility. Yet, for some reason, many dads still feel they deserve special acknowledgment for performing household tasks or being actively involved in their children’s lives. Let me be clear: you don’t.
This isn’t to say that gratitude should be tossed aside. A simple “thank you” goes a long way in any relationship. However, dads, don’t expect a standing ovation for loading the dishwasher or folding laundry. We’ve moved past that point.
Now, if you’re one of those dads from the 1950s who believes that your partner is solely responsible for domestic duties while you bring home the paycheck, this message isn’t for you. You’re not ready for this conversation.
I’m addressing the dads who fully engage in parenting. The ones who don’t wait for their partner to change a diaper but jump in without hesitation. You’re doing an incredible job. You’re reshaping the narrative. You’re not babysitting; you’re parenting! Own that role.
Let’s take a step further. It’s time to abandon traditional gender roles that suggest housework and child care are solely a mother’s duty. Let’s stop heralding our mundane contributions as if they’re extraordinary acts of generosity. Let’s just clean the bathroom because it needs it, and move on with our day.
This shift is a positive one. Parenting today is more of a partnership than ever before, and that deserves to be celebrated. In fact, in 2013, 40% of households with children under 18 had mothers who were either the sole or primary breadwinners. The notion that “bringing home the bacon” is all that matters is outdated.
I recall my early days as a father. My son wouldn’t sleep unless someone held him upright, and both my partner and I were juggling full-time jobs. We were exhausted, but I couldn’t leave all the nighttime duties to her. We were in this together.
Reflecting on that hectic period, those late-night moments were my only chance to bond with my son. My father never had the opportunity to hold a peaceful child in his arms at night because society didn’t allow it. He missed out on countless conversations about hygiene, the silly antics of a child, and the joy of simple moments like bathtime.
But I have the chance to embrace those moments. Today, dads are parents too, and the recognition we seek shouldn’t come from our partners. It should come from the rich, everyday experiences of being a committed and loving father.
Taking care of children is no longer viewed as merely “women’s work.” It’s about being a parent—a vital part of an incredible partnership filled with unforgettable memories. It’s time to appreciate the privilege of being actively involved in our children’s lives and to cherish every moment rather than expecting something in return.
In summary, the role of fathers has evolved significantly. Today, it’s about shared responsibilities in parenting and household tasks. Dads need to recognize that their involvement is not extraordinary but rather a fundamental part of being a parent. Let’s celebrate this partnership without the expectation of praise.