During a recent weekend while bathing my son, we found ourselves discussing Disney’s Robin Hood. He expressed his fondness for the movie, but mentioned he didn’t like the ending where the characters kiss and get married.
“Hey, one day you might want to get married…” I suggested.
“I might want to marry a boy.”
“You can do that.”
“Boys can marry boys, and girls can marry girls.”
“That’s correct. What matters is that you marry someone you love.”
I’ll refrain from recounting the rest of our conversation, where he also whimsically declared his intention to marry his mother and several friends from kindergarten.
Children, in their innocence, do not harbor prejudices. They lack the preconceived notions that suggest some groups are superior to others. They show no inclination to deny anyone the same rights they enjoy. For instance, my son hasn’t mentioned the lesbian couple in Finding Dory, nor has he shown any signs that Elsa’s character in Frozen has affected him in a negative way—aside from a brief obsession with that infamous song.
As children grow, they absorb the biases we inadvertently pass on to them. They imitate our behaviors, embrace our beliefs, and internalize the language we use. This is why the words we choose carry significant weight.
Today, I want to focus on the term “tolerance,” a word that seems harmless but is fraught with negativity. To tolerate something suggests a sense of superiority; it implies that one must force themselves to endure something they find unpleasant or wrong. When applied to LGBTQ+ individuals, ethnic minorities, or any form of diversity, it takes on a negative connotation.
We shouldn’t be teaching our children to merely tolerate differences; rather, we should be encouraging them to accept and celebrate those differences. Diversity is not a burden we must bear; it is a natural part of life.
While using “tolerance” instead of “acceptance” doesn’t equate to hate speech, it can be insidious. It disguises its negativity and allows discrimination to persist under the guise of inclusivity. This camouflage can give people a false sense of righteousness while they perpetuate biases.
Embellishing discussions of enlightenment with flawed language taints the conversation. Call it semantics or political correctness; however you label it, the impact of language is undeniable. If our words do not align with our actions, we leave our children with mixed messages.
During my conversation with my son, I recognized his innocence and wanted to protect and reinforce it. I was cautious with my language, ensuring that my words would positively influence him. I am teaching my sons the value of acceptance over mere tolerance because it’s essential for them to understand that it’s not enough to merely “be okay” with differences. We must embrace humanity in its entirety.
Even—especially—when faced with those who may not accept that.
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In summary, as we guide our children through their understanding of diversity, it’s crucial to emphasize acceptance over mere tolerance. Our language shapes their perceptions, and we must strive for clarity and positivity in our communication.