My partner and I are committed to raising our children to be kind, considerate, and responsible individuals. We’ve instilled values such as empathy and service since they were young, and while it’s an ongoing journey, we’re seeing positive results. With our kids now aged 15, 11, and 7, they’ve managed to stay out of serious trouble, show respect, and generally bring joy to those around them.
However, I often find myself questioning how we’ve achieved this, especially when I consider the conventional wisdom surrounding parenting that emphasizes consistency and consequences. To put it bluntly, I struggle with disciplining my kids.
Proactive Discipline
On the proactive side of discipline, I feel adept. We’ve nurtured what we call “virtues,” encouraging our children to embody character traits that help them navigate life’s challenges. We discuss appropriate behavior in various contexts, role-play potential scenarios, and maintain an open line of communication where they feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and concerns with me. In this regard, I believe I’m doing fairly well.
Reactive Discipline Challenges
But when it comes to the reactive side of discipline—dealing with misbehavior—I find myself faltering. I often forget to enforce consequences after setting them, and I frequently abandon structured systems for chores or rewards because they become overwhelming. I may tell my children I won’t repeat myself, yet I end up doing just that, often losing my patience. My own cluttered space serves as a poor model for the expectations I set about cleanliness. Limits I impose on screen time are often overlooked, as I lose track of time or become distracted. While I don’t force them to eat foods they dislike and allow them to negotiate bedtime snacks (usually healthy options), I sometimes wonder if I’m being too lenient.
I admire parents who take a stricter approach, like my friend Sarah, who recently took everything out of her son’s room until he earned it back through good behavior. I respect her decisiveness and think that method could work for some. However, that just isn’t my style. I’m laid-back and believe such extreme measures would likely frighten my kids, as they know it would take significant misbehavior to trigger such a response from me.
Reflections on Parenting
Despite my relaxed approach to discipline, my children haven’t exhibited serious behavioral issues. They have faced typical challenges like shyness or sleep-related irritability—problems that wouldn’t be fair to punish them for. However, I’m often bothered by my inconsistency. While I’m not overly concerned it will turn them into troublemakers, I worry they might adopt my struggle with discipline and consistency, particularly when they become parents themselves. They will have their own children with different personalities, and I hope they’ll learn the skills necessary to maintain boundaries.
Ultimately, we’re all learning as we go through this parenting experience. Perhaps there will come a time when one of our kids challenges us in a way that necessitates a firmer approach. Or maybe they won’t, just as I’ve found it difficult to adhere to strict discipline methods.
I’m hopeful that my strengths in proactive discipline will compensate for my weaknesses in reactivity. Just as our children are works in progress, so am I. I trust they will recognize my efforts, understand my humanity, and appreciate that there are many ways to raise good kids, even if strict discipline isn’t my forte. For more insights into parenting and fertility, you can explore our related posts on couples’ fertility journeys or Jodi Picoult’s perspective on motherhood.
Conclusion
In conclusion, parenting is a personal endeavor filled with learning and adaptation. Each parent will find their unique path, and that’s perfectly okay.