The way I wake up can truly dictate the kind of day we’ll have. Whether it’s an alarm clock ringing (a minor annoyance), a child grumbling before dawn (a hint of irritation), or my partner snoring loudly (absolute fury), the initial moments of my day seem to set the emotional stage — or at least that was the case before I took charge of my mindset.
As a typical mom, I share the common struggles and exhaustion that come with parenthood. I diligently practice self-care, take deep breaths, and genuinely try to manage my daily challenges. Yet, there are times when life feels overwhelming, and my children sense it.
Recently, I had a profound realization: I am the one who establishes the emotional atmosphere in our home. It’s not just my partner or the dynamic between us as a couple, nor is it solely influenced by my spirited oldest child or my vocal toddler. It’s me.
And honestly? I wasn’t doing a great job. Sure, I was providing for my kids’ basic needs—keeping them fed and dressed—but my attitude? It left much to be desired.
I had read various articles and books discussing the mother’s pivotal role in her children’s emotional health, but I often dismissed them. Before becoming a mom, I believed I was emotionally stable and thought such concepts didn’t apply to me. I thought, “This is 2016—there’s no way all the emotional responsibility falls on me. I have my own goals and aspirations beyond motherhood.” Ideally, I believed my partner should share this responsibility.
However, the reality in our home indicated otherwise. It took time for me to accept that, as the mother, I carry the bulk of this emotional weight. Despite the progress we’ve made in gender equality, my children have an uncanny ability to detect when I’m off balance, and this significantly influences their behavior. There’s an unspoken emotional connection; just as I can sense their moods, they can sense mine.
When I’m irritable, they mirror that irritability. When I’m joyful, they radiate happiness. Conversely, when I’m overwhelmed, chaos often ensues. Even attempts to mask my feelings fail because they can perceive the underlying tension—no pressure, right?
For years, I pushed this realization aside, focusing solely on survival. However, I started to notice a pattern: when I was well-rested, my children were calmer and more relaxed, while sleep deprivation led to more challenging behaviors. This direct correlation was undeniable; my emotional state significantly affects theirs.
Recognizing that my emotional well-being is intertwined with my children’s was an awakening. My feelings directly influence my parenting and overall family interactions. They observe me closely, mimicking my behaviors. Once I acknowledged this connection, I realized it was time to regain my composure.
After some effort, I developed a strategy for maintaining my sanity. I began working part-time, providing myself with a break from motherhood and a chance to stimulate parts of my brain that had been dormant. I enrolled in a gym that offered childcare. Most importantly, I started checking in with myself regularly to ensure I was attuned to my personal needs. Sometimes, in the hustle of motherhood, we forget we are individuals with our own identities.
Accepting responsibility for my own well-being was challenging. It’s easy to point fingers at my partner’s shortcomings or blame them for my frustrations instead of prioritizing my own needs. However, true adulthood requires self-reflection and accountability. If I wanted my household to be happy and healthy, I had to start from within. Relying on my partner or children to facilitate this change was not effective; the journey had to begin with me.
As I centered myself, my family began to follow suit. This created a ripple effect of positivity throughout our home. It’s humbling to recognize how significantly I influence my family’s emotional climate. While I can set countless physical examples for tasks (like putting dirty laundry in the hamper), my emotional state appears to be far more contagious.
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In summary, the emotional tone I set in my household profoundly impacts my children’s behaviors and overall family dynamics. Acknowledging and taking responsibility for my own emotional state has been a transformative journey, proving that positivity is indeed contagious.