Growing up, I believed my childhood was picture-perfect until I became a parent myself. It was then that I began to notice the cracks in my upbringing; I recognized certain shortcomings in myself that I wanted to address as I raised my children. While I think I turned out just fine, my approach to motherhood is distinctly different from the one my parents practiced, shaped by my individual priorities, strengths, and the unique personalities of my children. Moreover, the world today is vastly different from what it was in the late 1970s. Thus, I’m choosing to embrace the positive aspects of my childhood while discarding what didn’t serve me well, because progress is about evolving.
1. Discipline Beyond Spanking
How often have we heard the phrase, “I was spanked, and I turned out fine”? I’ve said it too, but I eventually learned that spanking doesn’t yield the results we hope for—especially in our household. My oldest child’s spirited nature has compelled my husband and me to explore more constructive forms of discipline. This shift has cultivated a happier and more peaceful environment.
2. Prioritizing Self-Care
My mother often placed her own needs on the back burner, and I’ve seen the toll it has taken on her health. While she genuinely enjoys caring for others, I’ve learned the importance of establishing boundaries for my own well-being. Being a parent can be exhausting, and if I neglect my self-care, it will ultimately affect my ability to care for my family.
3. Acknowledging Imperfection
I recognize that my children are not perfect. While I strive to shield them from failure, I won’t prevent them from experiencing it. When I received a call from preschool about my son’s inappropriate behavior, I felt a rush of embarrassment. However, instead of making excuses, I listened to the situation. It’s crucial for me to teach my children the significance of empathy and understanding others’ feelings.
4. Allowing Consequences
Intervening to rescue my children from the repercussions of their actions isn’t beneficial in the long run. By allowing them to confront the natural consequences, I help them develop resilience and responsibility—qualities essential for adulthood.
5. Maintaining Life Beyond Motherhood
Although being a mother and a wife is central to my life, nurturing friendships and pursuing personal interests is equally essential. One day, my children will grow up, and I need a plan to fill the void left by their absence. Having a supportive network of friends and hobbies ensures my well-being as I navigate motherhood.
6. Mental Health Matters
Both my mental health and that of my children is a top priority. Addressing issues as they arise is crucial, as ignoring them rarely leads to resolution. By focusing on mental wellness, I aim to prevent larger problems down the line.
7. Supporting Their Individuality
My role is not to define who my children should be but to help them become the best versions of themselves. While I can set rules and guidelines, it’s vital to step back and allow them to explore their identities. My job is to lay a solid foundation and trust that I’ve provided them with the tools they need.
I often wonder how my children will reflect on their upbringing and what changes they’ll make when they become parents. Perhaps I’ve swung too far in the opposite direction of my own upbringing, or maybe I’m making mistakes. But in the end, we’re all just trying to do our best. If you’re interested in exploring more about parenting and fertility, you might find the information at Make a Mom helpful. Additionally, Intracervical Insemination offers great insights into mental health. For comprehensive information on reproductive health, check out CDC Reproductive Health.
Summary
In reflecting on my parenting journey, I’ve adopted several key principles that differ from my own upbringing, focusing on non-violent discipline, self-care, acknowledging imperfection, allowing consequences, maintaining my identity outside motherhood, prioritizing mental health, and supporting my children’s individuality. Each of these aspects shapes a more nurturing environment that I hope will benefit my children as they grow.