My journey into the world of new motherhood began this past winter, a time that saw my subconscious mind take over. I found myself scrutinizing the backs of strangers’ heads, assessing their roundness—something I had never thought about or cared to notice before. It was fascinating to observe how this aspect of a person’s appearance might influence their overall demeanor. Did a rounder head make someone seem more approachable? Would it impact their chances of landing a job?
When my daughter was born, I naively thought my worries about her well-being would cease. She was here—pink, crying, and breathing. However, I soon realized that her survival extended beyond mere existence; it encompassed her emotional health, future prospects, and ability to flourish in a world that seems increasingly daunting. Issues like school shootings, cyberbullying, and substance abuse are far more prevalent today than they were during my own childhood in the ’80s and ’90s. Back then, I never saw infants in helmets designed to reshape their heads, but one thing has improved since then: the rate of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) has halved.
The Safe to Sleep Campaign, initiated in 1992, recommended placing infants on their backs to sleep in a crib devoid of blankets, bumpers, or toys. While this initiative has significantly reduced crib deaths, it has led to an increase in cases of flat head syndrome. Some infants wear helmets for around 23 hours a day to combat this flattening of the skull, only taking them off during bath time. As the child’s head grows, the helmet is adjusted to facilitate a more rounded shape.
At just 8 weeks old, I took my daughter to a complimentary tummy-time class, eager to show off my little one who had been lifting her head from the moment she was born. The instructor, a specialist in pediatric physical therapy, observed the four babies, including my daughter, with an eagle eye. Her disapproving expressions filled me with dread—the kind of visceral, instinctual concern that only a mother can feel.
“Do you see how her head tilts to one side?” she inquired. I thought it was adorable how she leaned to the right and smiled at me. But now, I started to second-guess myself. Had she always leaned this way? As her mother, I should have noticed, right? My limited knowledge as a new parent began to unravel as the therapist placed a toy in front of my daughter, moving it from side to side. She circled around her, studying her angles, and grimaced once again. I wanted to snatch my baby up and leave, but panic held me in place.
“Notice this flat spot on her right side? It’s affecting her facial symmetry,” she pointed out, indicating my daughter’s right eye. “This ear is slightly further forward, and this eye is more closed.” I nodded, feeling completely inadequate for not having detected the issue in the 56 days since her birth. Tears fell onto the blanket beneath her, and guilt washed over me. I felt like I had failed her by not realizing that tummy time was crucial. I was convinced I had let her down and that she would never fit a cute baseball cap.
A visit to the pediatrician confirmed my worst fears: our baby was among the 13% of infants in the country with plagiocephaly, caused by torticollis—a condition often occurring in utero for larger babies with limited movement. The treatment plan involved physical therapy sessions twice a week.
This experience sparked my obsession with observing the shape of others’ heads. Over dinner one night, my partner and I candidly admitted to studying the skulls of strangers. Nobody warned me that the worries of parenthood often take unexpected forms, rarely grounded in logic, and managing them can feel overwhelming.
Fortunately, my daughter’s neck muscles strengthened quickly, and by the time she rolled over at 3 months, she preferred to sleep on her stomach. Now, you wouldn’t even know she had any issues; her eyes are symmetrical, and her ear is perfectly aligned. The flat spot on her head continues to improve daily.
As the eldest of five siblings, I anticipated the challenges of motherhood but hadn’t fully grasped the emotional toll it could take. My daughter will not remember her flat head, and I now recognize that worrying about such things is quite trivial. All she truly desires are food, play, and love, which she receives abundantly. What I have learned is that motherhood is not solely about your child’s growth but also about your own personal development.
Just last week, a woman complimented my daughter’s nicely rounded head. I smiled, knowing she was blissfully unaware of the journey we had taken to get there.
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In summary, motherhood brings an array of unexpected worries, from your child’s health to your emotional well-being. The journey can be overwhelming, but it’s important to remember that your child’s happiness and development encompass much more than physical appearances.