We’ve all heard the buzzwords: “lean into your career,” “strive for work-life balance,” and the ever-elusive concept of “having it all.” These phrases are often thrown around as motivational catchphrases, but let’s face it—they’re fundamentally flawed.
What began as an empowering message for modern feminism has devolved into a relentless pursuit of perfection in every area of life. The notion of “having it all” has strayed far from its original intent and now often perpetuates unrealistic expectations rather than fostering true equality.
As a staunch advocate for feminism and systemic change that enables both women and men to thrive in their careers while nurturing families, I find the idea that anyone can genuinely “have it all” to be absurd. Let’s keep it real: nobody can achieve this ideal. I repeat: NO ONE can have it all.
Even if we were to eliminate this phrase from our vocabulary, its impact lingers in our minds—like a stubborn child clinging to our leg. We see it manifest in the way women work tirelessly to “lean in” at their jobs, only to still feel compelled to apologize for a cluttered home or for not signing up for every school committee. We observe it in the way mothers who leave their careers to raise children often describe themselves as “just” stay-at-home moms. This persistent guilt weighs heavily, suggesting that we should be able to juggle every responsibility seamlessly.
The very implication that “having it all” is a standard we should aspire to places an unnecessary burden on women, holding them to expectations that we seldom impose on men. We never ask if men can “have it all,” nor do we expect them to balance career, family, and personal aspirations to the same degree. For a humorous take on these double standards, check out the satirical “Man Who Has It All” on social media.
Why should women be expected to fulfill every role—career, family, personal life—just to be recognized as leading a full life? Additionally, what about women who, for various reasons, choose not to pursue this ideal or cannot achieve it? Feminism should advocate for the rights and choices of all women, not just those who fit a certain mold.
There are indeed systemic issues that make it difficult for women to “have it all,” such as wage disparities and lackluster family leave policies. But we also put immense pressure on ourselves to do it all. Life is about choices, and each decision we make comes with trade-offs. Our time and energy are finite, and as we add responsibilities—whether in work, family, or personal life—we must also remove something else from our plates. Otherwise, we risk being overwhelmed and dropping everything, much like a toddler spilling juice on a pristine rug.
So, let’s stop the chatter about “having it all.” A newsflash for everyone: NO ONE CAN HAVE IT ALL! Men cannot achieve this, and neither can women. It’s time to stop holding ourselves to an impossible standard that leads to feelings of inadequacy and late-night binge-eating sessions.
Instead of fixating on whether women can attain this ideal, let’s elevate the value of caretakers in our society. We should ensure that mothers receive adequate postpartum care and that both mothers and fathers can take extended leave after welcoming a child. It’s essential to practice setting boundaries and to give ourselves grace when we can’t do everything perfectly. Let’s also avoid using qualifiers like “just” when discussing the role of stay-at-home parents, and let’s stop labeling moms as working, stay-at-home, or hybrid parents.
We are simply parents, regardless of how we choose to fill our lives. The buffet of what constitutes a fulfilling life offers countless options, and it is impossible for anyone to “have it all.” Even if we could somehow manage to pile everything onto our plates, we all know the result: we end up cutting tiny pieces of pancakes while bouncing a baby on our knee and coaxing a toddler to finish their meal—all while feeling the weight of expectations.
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In summary, it’s time we abandon the myth of “having it all.” Instead, let’s focus on creating a society that values our choices and supports all parents, allowing us to live fulfilling lives that reflect our individual priorities.