In the kitchen, I stand with my sturdy thighs rubbing together beneath my skirt, working on stretching out the pre-made pizza dough that came in a plastic bag from one of those “Cook at Home” meal kits. You know the type: you sign up with a discount coupon for a week and then forget to cancel, ending up paying for several weeks of overpriced meals.
These meals are marketed as “healthy” and “vegetarian,” but believe me, those terms don’t mean the same thing. As a vegetarian aiming for a healthier lifestyle, I often find it challenging to align my aspirations with reality. I desire to be healthy; I genuinely strive for it. I consume minimal meat, yet indulge in cheese, Brussels sprouts, and spinach. I scrutinize ingredient lists; I often place back bread labeled as “enriched.”
Each morning, I blend a green smoothie. The whir of the blender is familiar as I add chia seeds and flax, relishing the taste and texture, envisioning the antioxidants coursing through my veins—Go Go Gadget Vitamin E.
But yes, I have a sweet tooth. Dessert is a staple in my life, and you could probably judge my fondness for it by the way my thighs rub together. You might also infer my love for brie from the gentle jiggle of my upper arms, which wave long after I’ve finished greeting someone. If you’re the type to assess me based solely on outward appearance, that’s your prerogative, but I won’t judge you for it.
What I wonder is whether you see the spinach I consume and the smoothies I make. Can you find my appreciation for flax seeds in the strength of my back? Do you regard the vibrancy of my eyes and the thickness of my hair, which I braid down my back? Can you recognize my resilient bones? The healthy pinkish half-moons of my nails?
It’s not just about appearance; I genuinely worry for your health, even as I grapple with the societal focus on looks. Can you truly gauge a woman’s health by the soft curves of her hips? Does being a size 12, 14, or 16 automatically mean my life is compromised? It seems that many people prefer to judge my health by the size of my bathing suit rather than the results from my doctor’s lab tests. They believe that a woman’s worth is dictated by the measurement of her thighs. Forget science; disregard numbers. What matters is modern beauty standards, and that tells them everything they need to know about me.
If you’re inclined to judge based solely on appearance, then you and I are not likely to connect. My concern is with your health, not merely your looks. Yet, it is about how you perceive me—in a dress while I sing karaoke, in comfortable pants as I order spaghetti, or in my lovely bathing suit by the ocean.
When You Look, Here’s What You Miss:
I’m strong enough to teach an 8-year-old girl to ride a bike in a single afternoon and carry six grocery bags in one trip. My mind is fueled by flax seeds and sometimes chocolate croissants, and it crafts essays about love, kindness, and life’s complexity. Sometimes my thighs rub together as I knead pizza dough, and I’m often the only one strong enough to open a jar of pickles. Once, I even carried a bed up two flights of stairs all by myself.
You won’t find these qualities in the soft flesh above my knees, but they matter more than you might think. What matters most, however, is an encounter I had at the beach: a young girl whispered, “I love that fat girl’s bathing suit!” as I walked by. I swam far out, letting the waves drown out her words, then returned to the shore.
I am that woman in a green bathing suit—emerald against my soft skin, reminiscent of a mermaid’s fin. As I returned to the sand, I gently told the girl, “They only make this suit for plus-size women.” Her face flushed, but I smiled kindly. Perhaps she didn’t realize I could hear her, or maybe she meant no harm.
I smiled at her, understanding that sometimes the measure of my words, my style, my growing strength, and character far outweigh the size of my hips. If only someone would take the time to judge that.
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Summary:
This piece reflects on the complexities of body image, health perceptions, and societal judgments surrounding plus-size women, particularly in the context of swimwear. It challenges readers to look beyond superficial appearances and recognize the strength, character, and health of individuals regardless of their size.