As an openly gay man in his early 50s with aspirations to adopt, I’ve encountered my fair share of questioning glances and pointed inquiries, the most common being, “Why?”
Why, indeed?
Whenever this question arises, I often see heads tilt and eyebrows arch in confusion. The curiosity surrounding my desire for parenthood has lingered since my first parenting class last summer. At first, I felt pressured to provide a grand, persuasive explanation. Over time, however, I realized my motivation is quite straightforward: I want to love and be loved.
Nothing more, nothing less.
I am already a proud father to a son in his 20s who has just graduated from college. I am familiar with the joys and challenges that come with fatherhood. I am aware of what lies ahead.
Last year, clarity struck when a friend joyfully shared that he and his wife were expecting their third child. The announcement was met with the usual cheers, excitement, and anticipation for the new addition to their family. Interestingly, my friend faced no inquiries about “why” he was expanding his family. Despite already having two children, he wasn’t required to justify his decision nor provide a compelling reason for wanting to help another child in need. He didn’t confront a barrage of social workers or endure intrusive personal questions. Most importantly, he wasn’t met with the puzzled expressions that I often encounter.
Why do people choose to have children? We know parenting is a demanding, time-consuming, and often frustrating endeavor. Why do we embark on this journey? Is it to strengthen our community, seek companionship, or fulfill a longing for love? Are we hoping for someone who will remember us when we’re gone or assist us in our later years?
Unfortunately, there’s a perception that gay men, lesbians, and others in nontraditional families shouldn’t pursue parenthood. Some suggest that our lives are too busy or that we lack the capacity for nurturing children. This is simply not the case.
Queer individuals are multifaceted, and our identities extend far beyond our sexual orientation. We have careers, friendships, hobbies, and yes—many of us aspire to be parents. We pay taxes, abide by the law, and contribute to our communities. We are siblings, children, and active members of society. We lead fulfilling lives and are eager to share our homes and hearts with children who need love and care.
If pressed for a compelling rationale, I might reflect on my own experiences with disappointment in parental figures and the loneliness that can accompany feeling different. I understand what it’s like to navigate life’s challenges alone, to feel ostracized and disconnected. These are realities faced by many children in foster care, and I believe I am equipped to help guide them toward healing and strength. I want to be there for them—to support them in their journey to becoming emotionally and spiritually healthy adults.
As a child, I often dreamt of someone arriving to rescue me from my circumstances, someone who would reveal a mix-up at birth and take me to a loving home free from conflict and despair. I know that there are children today, perhaps in Mississippi where I live, who share similar dreams, longing for someone to step into their lives and offer them hope.
I have valid reasons for wanting to adopt, but the simplest response remains: I seek love and connection—just like everyone else. I want to participate in the small yet meaningful moments of parenting: helping with homework, cheering at baseball games, wiping away tears, and nurturing them as they grow.
I recognize the challenges I face. Living in a state where discriminatory laws like SB 1523 have been enacted, which allow foster care and adoption agencies to reject gay applicants, my chances may appear bleak. But Mississippi is also home to a vibrant community of gay couples raising children, showcasing that love knows no boundaries.
Regardless of the outcome, I will be able to look in the mirror and say that I tried.
For those interested in exploring the topic of home insemination, I recommend checking out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination here. You may also want to read more about how to create a loving environment for your future family, including options like the BabyMaker Home Intracervical Insemination Syringe Kit. Additionally, if you’re interested in ways to strengthen your relationship with your partner, Love Coupons provide great ideas to enhance your connection.
In summary, my desire to adopt stems from a profound yearning for love and connection. Despite societal challenges, I am committed to the journey of parenthood, ready to embrace the joys and responsibilities it entails.