Every day, I find myself questioning my parenting skills. It seems that this worry is a universal part of being a parent, yet there’s an expectation that we should rise above our flaws and act as if we have everything figured out. I used to think parents were supposed to be paragons of virtue and strength. However, the truth is that I flub up regularly. I often reflect on my actions and wonder if my kids will grow up with aspirations as low as being a contestant on one of those outrageous daytime talk shows. Am I being dramatic? Perhaps, but here are a few of my concerns about my parenting style:
1. I crave their friendship more than I prioritize being a parent.
There have been countless occasions when I’ve tossed aside chores, opting instead to indulge in cookies and ice cream while watching cartoons on the couch. Sure, it’s fun, but I worry that I’m failing to instill respect for rules and responsibility. I oscillate between being a fun buddy and a strict enforcer, and I can’t help but think that my children must be utterly confused by my mixed signals.
2. I tend to raise my voice.
Sometimes my kids don’t listen—shocking, I know! After asking them to tidy up the living room multiple times, I often find them completely engrossed in their own worlds. My frustration builds, and suddenly, I’m yelling like a character from a superhero movie. They look at me as if I’m the villain, and I can’t shake the feeling that I’m repeating my own parents’ mistakes, risking emotional scars in the process.
3. My discipline is all over the place.
There are moments when I’ve doled out punishments that, in hindsight, seemed unnecessary, only for my partner to step in and question my approach. Sometimes I’m cranky or exhausted, which leads me to react inconsistently. I can’t help but wonder what this inconsistency is doing to my kids’ sense of security.
4. I often say “no” to things I do myself.
I can’t even count how many times I’ve told my daughter Lily that snacks are off-limits after dinner, only to indulge in a late-night bowl of cereal. I impose rules that I fail to follow, like telling my son Jake he can’t wear pajamas in the living room while I lounge in my own comfortable attire. It’s clear that I’m not always leading by the best example.
5. My kids know how to work me.
One time, Lily decorated our living room chair with permanent marker, and I was livid. But when she looked at me with those puppy-dog eyes and apologized in a sweet voice, my anger vanished. I sometimes feel that children are gifted with the ability to soften their parents’ hearts to prevent us from losing our cool.
6. I resort to bribery.
Just recently, Jake was slow to get ready for an outing, and instead of asserting myself, I offered him cookies to speed things up. He quickly countered with a request for more treats and extra screen time, which I reluctantly agreed to. While I appreciate his negotiation skills, it worries me that I might be teaching him to expect rewards for simply doing what he should.
Ultimately, I recognize that my parenting is riddled with inconsistencies. But I also realize it’s part of being human. I make mistakes and sometimes let my emotions get the better of me. Parenting is undoubtedly the most challenging endeavor I’ve ever undertaken. However, I always strive to admit when I’m wrong and express my love openly. When I return home from work, the joy on my children’s faces and their warm hugs remind me that, despite my flaws, they can feel the depth of my care for them.
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In summary, while I may not have all the answers, I’m committed to growing as a parent, learning from my missteps, and cherishing the love that binds our family together.