I’ve often been labeled a strict and overbearing parent, while others have accused me of being too lenient. I’ve faced disapproving glances from bystanders when my children misbehave or cry in public. I’ve also surrendered to their demands at times I shouldn’t have, only to regret it later. And yes, I’ve had people shift away from our table in restaurants when the laughter between my kids and me got a little too loud.
I allow my children to indulge in soda on special occasions and have been criticized for this choice. Conversely, I’ve taken away their sugary treats during moments of misbehavior, even in the midst of a friend’s birthday party, earning disapproving looks from other parents. When my eldest son acts out, the first thing I do is confiscate his cell phone—an action that feels like the end of the world for both of us.
This ongoing challenge is one that parents encounter daily: how do we strike the right balance in disciplining our children? We navigate through moments of saying “no” and “yes,” but honestly, some days I change my mind about what’s appropriate based on the circumstances. The methods of discipline that work one day might not be effective the next.
Opinions on my parenting abound, coming from people who think they know better. Yet, they only see a snapshot of our lives; they have no idea of the nuances that shape my decisions. Whether it’s a fleeting moment from last week or a situation that just occurred, their judgments are often misplaced.
Every parent grapples with the desire to find a balance that may or may not even exist. After 13 years of trying, I still struggle. We want to maintain a relationship with our children while ensuring they don’t view us as mere friends. We desire open communication, yet we also aim to raise respectful, well-mannered individuals. Striking this balance is incredibly challenging, and finding a middle ground can feel almost impossible.
Regardless of what we do, our children may still perceive us as unfair. Surprisingly, I consider this a positive indicator. After all, it prepares them for the realities of the world much more effectively than permissive parenting ever could. Onlookers witnessing a child’s tantrum might label us as ineffective or incapable, but that’s merely a reflection of their understanding, not ours.
To me, achieving balance in disciplining children is akin to following one’s intuition. Some days you feel like a nurturing figure, while other days you might resemble a much stricter persona. Ultimately, I know how I want to parent, and that vision can differ from day to day. As the parent, I hold the authority to make these decisions—not my kids, not strangers, and not extended family. If my approach feels right to me, that’s my sweet spot, and I owe no one an explanation.
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Summary:
Finding the balance in disciplining children is a nuanced challenge for all parents. Each family’s situation is unique, and what works one day may not work the next. Ultimately, parents must trust their instincts and decide what feels right for their family, regardless of outside opinions.