When I was newly married and child-free in my early 20s, I had grand visions of parenting. I envisioned delightful Saturdays at farmers markets, my kids happily sampling fresh produce and exploring different vendors. But reality hit hard when I became a parent. During our first trip to a farmers market, my son swiped some broccoli from a vendor, took a bite, and declared it “Nasty!” My idealistic notions crumbled, leading me to compile a list of things I absolutely will not do for my children.
1. Pay Full Price for Designer Outfits.
I couldn’t care less about brand names, and I refuse to spend a dime more just because a label like Under Armour is attached. My parents held a similar philosophy, and I turned out fine—no resentment, just a mindset that encourages critical thinking and independence. If I stumble upon a designer item on sale at a discount store, I might consider it, but I won’t be shelling out full price just for a name.
2. Join the PTA.
To all the dedicated PTA parents, I applaud your commitment! However, my plate is already full with work, writing, and family, and I can’t stretch myself to participate in PTA meetings and fundraisers. I’m happy to support your events and indulge in those cookie dough sales, but I’ll be sitting on the sidelines, not on the committees.
3. Allow My Kids to Overcommit.
There’s no way I will turn our evenings into a whirlwind of activities. It’s simply not in my nature. If our calendar doesn’t have at least two nights free each week, I become a frazzled mess, scrambling to find missing gear and prepare meals. I limit my kids to one activity at a time to teach them about prioritization and maintaining balance. They won’t be the next sports star or competition dancer, so those extra commitments can wait.
4. Expect Straight A’s.
Before becoming a parent, I spent seven years teaching high school English and witnessed countless students break down over a B. I will encourage my kids to put forth their best effort, but if they end up with lower grades, that’s okay too. Academic success is not solely defined by letter grades; it’s about learning and growth.
5. Pressure Them to Attend College.
My spouse and I hold four college degrees, but I don’t believe higher education is the best path for everyone. My children are aware of the benefits of college and understand that some careers require it. However, when they reach high school graduation, I want them to choose their next steps—be it work, college, or travel—based on their aspirations, not mine.
Every parent has the duty to provide and guide their children, often requiring hard decisions that may clash with societal expectations. Having a list of things we won’t do for our kids helps create boundaries and fosters independence. Remember, it’s perfectly fine to draw the line—your kids will be just fine in shoes from Target or not joining that traveling soccer team.
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In summary, parenting is about setting boundaries and allowing children to grow independently. Embracing a mindset that doesn’t conform to societal pressures can lead to healthier relationships with our kids.