Updated: November 10, 2017
Originally Published: June 3, 2016
As I strolled through the university grounds with my wife, Sarah, both of us in our early thirties, we couldn’t help but notice how out of place we felt. Surrounded by vibrant 18 to 22-year-olds flaunting their youthful energy in trendy outfits, we might as well have been from another era. At least that’s how I felt, perhaps due to our slower pace, enjoying the moment while the younger crowd rushed to whatever awaited them next.
This is Sarah’s final semester in college. After nearly five years of juggling her studies on and off, she’s now focused on completing her on-campus classes at the institution where I work. Thankfully, we found an amazing friend from our church to watch our children while Sarah attends her classes. Twice a week, we meet for lunch at the quad, or sometimes she swings by my office for a quick kiss. On this particular day, we serendipitously crossed paths and decided to walk together.
With Sarah immersed in her studies and me balancing a full-time job and writing, our quality time together is scarce. When we do catch a moment, it’s usually amidst the chaos of our kids—whether they’re asking endless questions or bickering over toys. We make it a point to go out at least once a month, although life sometimes gets in the way. Fortunately, with her classes, we’ve been gifted with small snippets of alone time—sometimes just 15 minutes or an hour—to stroll hand in hand and engage in genuine conversation.
Reflecting on marriage, I never envisioned it would take this form. My parents had a tumultuous relationship that ended in divorce when I was young, leaving me uncertain of what a healthy marriage looked like. Yet here we are, over a decade into our commitment, relishing simple moments together on a college campus, fully aware that time alone is a precious commodity.
This is the essence of marriage, especially with young children. It’s about two people deeply in love, navigating the complexities of life together—supporting each other’s aspirations, whether educational or professional, all while managing parenting challenges. It can be overwhelming, filled with late-night Googling for answers and negotiating sleep, intimacy, and finances. But sometimes, it’s as simple as a quiet walk through campus, chatting like carefree students who know each other’s quirks, relishing the calm in our busy lives.
We might discuss our kids, my work, or her classes during these walks. I share insights on maneuvering the university, and she playfully instructs me to fix my shirt collar. As we wander past clusters of students, I often wonder if they see us as relics of a bygone era. Young interns at my office often nudge me to “update myself,” especially when I admit my struggles with Snapchat or not owning the latest iPhone. In those moments, I feel compelled to share the joy of a recent walk with Sarah—no children in tow, just us appreciating a moment together. But I know they wouldn’t grasp the significance, just as I wouldn’t have at their age.
Perhaps this is why we appear so out of place among college students. In our hands, we hold something invaluable—a moment of stillness and connection. Our priorities have shifted from the pursuit of trends to cherishing each other’s company, and I think this is why marriage can feel restrictive initially. It takes time to realize what truly matters.
This isn’t to suggest that marriage or parenting diminishes one’s standards. Rather, it realigns your focus. You begin to appreciate the person beside you more profoundly and seize those fleeting moments of solitude to hold hands, smile, and connect.
After our walk, I escorted Sarah to our minivan parked beside a towering pickup truck and a flashy sports car. “Thanks for the walk,” I remarked, masking my sincerity with a hint of sarcasm about returning to work. Yet, in truth, it was the highlight of my day for reasons that went beyond just banter.
“Anytime. I love you,” she replied, and we shared another kiss, lingering a bit longer than we might have if the kids were around to roll their eyes. I noticed two young women watching us, likely thinking we were just another couple of “old folks” making out in a parking lot. I offered a sheepish smile, a silent message that one day, they too would understand.
If you found this article insightful, check out our other posts such as our guide on the At Home Insemination Kit for more valuable information. For those grappling with the challenges of motherhood, Understanding Mom Guilt offers great insights. Additionally, Progyny is an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination advice.
In summary, finding joy in the little moments with your partner amidst the chaos of life can be profoundly fulfilling. Embrace those quiet walks and shared conversations; they are the essence of a thriving relationship, especially in the midst of parenthood.