It’s me again! Can you believe it’s been eight months since we became neighbors? I truly wish we had gotten to know each other better during this time. Every time I’ve popped over, you’ve been out, so I thought I’d reach out with this note. I feel the need to explain some of the peculiar situations that have arisen (and to invite you for a drink or some cake—there’s always cake at my place).
I was quite upset to learn that you missed out on the blueberry muffins I baked for you. Now I understand why you gave me a confused look when I shouted from my car, hoping you enjoyed the treat I left on your porch. After some detective work with my boys, I discovered that they had taken the muffins for themselves! They assumed it was okay to nibble on them since you weren’t home. I thought it was odd that they didn’t come in for lunch, but you don’t question their good fortune when they choose to play outside all day. I apologize for your muffin situation. I’ll bring over another batch this weekend.
It seems like the only times we run into each other are when something unusual occurs! Like last week with our pets. I had no idea my dog had dug under the fence until I heard your cat making an alarming sound. I rushed over to check on your cat, and I swear I pulled my dog away just in time. Honestly, I didn’t expect a geriatric dog to be so spry!
On the topic of my dog, he’s also the reason you saw me in such an embarrassing state recently. He managed to get into the trash and, well, let’s just say it didn’t end well! After a long night of taking him out, I was exhausted. In a rush to get him outside, my towel slipped off just as he decided to make a mess—on my foot, no less! So when you came out on your balcony, I was naked, standing in the grass, yelling, “Jesus Christ, please stop shitting on me!” I can only imagine how strange that must have looked! I appreciate you quickly ushering your kids back inside.
I also owe you an apology for scaring your son. My kids found my secret spot for escaping them, which made the half-finished house next door my getaway. I didn’t expect you would be showing friends around that evening. Lost in my own world with a magazine, I panicked when your son and his friend entered, leading me to yell, “I have a gun!” I genuinely feel terrible for causing him to cry. I don’t own a gun—just a vivid imagination! I hope they still consider moving into the neighborhood; it would be wonderful to have neighbors with children.
My husband mentioned that my previous letter may have given the wrong impression regarding our alcohol consumption. If you don’t drink, I totally understand! I do make some excellent mocktails and lemonade if you ever want to stop by.
I genuinely want to connect with you and show that we are just a normal family looking for friends to BBQ and play games with. I promise to keep my dog in the kennel, and my boys are aware that they have neighbors who can hear their antics. Just the other morning, my son was yelling about “dying in there,” but he just forgot his iPad while I was in the shower!
I hope to hear from you soon. Feel free to drop by anytime, and if I’m not around, check the house next door!
Warm regards,
Your Neighbor
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Summary
The author reaches out to their neighbor, sharing humorous anecdotes about their interactions (or lack thereof) over the past eight months. They apologize for the misunderstandings involving muffins, pets, and unexpected encounters, while expressing a desire to build a friendship. The note is filled with warmth and offers an invitation for future gatherings, ensuring that the neighbor feels welcome despite the chaotic events.