Dear 3-year-old,
I adore you to the moon and back, and beyond, more than I can put into words. But there’s a topic we need to discuss—pants. Yes, pants. Specifically, your pants.
Do you see those items right there? Those are called pants. And the truth is, they are essential for a lot of reasons:
- To keep you warm
- For comfort
- To maintain modesty
- For hygiene
- To make everyone around you more comfortable
- Because, well, it’s the law
You have a whole drawer filled with options to cover your little legs. Whether you choose long pants or shorts, jeans or sweatpants, fitted or elasticized, it doesn’t matter to me. What I care about is that you wear something.
Your outfit doesn’t have to match. Socks? Not a concern. I’ve learned through my years of parenting to pick my battles wisely. However, pants are non-negotiable.
I’ve allowed you to strut around the store dressed as a superhero. We’ve gone shopping while you were in a princess outfit. You’ve even worn mismatched shoes to the park. I know you’re trying to express your individuality and assert your control, and I understand that completely. But you must find a way to do that while wearing pants.
If I went out in public without pants, I’d find myself in a heap of trouble. You need to wear pants at places like the grocery store, the library, and especially at the playground (two words: wood chips!).
I’ve joked in the past about your free-spirited nudity, but it’s become less amusing. For nearly a year now, when I ask you to put on pants, it ignites a full-blown tantrum. You wake up around 6:30 a.m., roam around in your birthday suit, and ignore my pleas to get dressed, even when I remind you we have places to be. When I finally manage to get you to your room—closer to those pants—you throw a fit that can last from 30 minutes to three hours. Often, I practically have to wrestle you to get you into those pants.
This ongoing struggle is utterly exhausting. I would surrender if I could, but I simply can’t. Because, as I’ve made clear, pants are not up for debate.
Can we please negotiate something else? Your shirt? Your shoes? Anything that doesn’t involve pants?
Know this: I love you dearly. But I love you even more when you’re wearing pants.
Love,
Your weary mother (who has a fondness for comfy yoga pants)
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Summary
This humorous yet earnest letter to a three-year-old emphasizes the importance of wearing pants while acknowledging the challenges of parenting and individual expression. The author expresses love and exhaustion while drawing attention to the necessity of clothing, particularly pants, in public spaces.