I knew parenting would be a challenge. However, nothing could truly prepare me for the reality of sleepless nights or managing a wailing newborn for hours on end. I underestimated how often my kids would eat, the constant messes they’d create, and how they would test my patience at every turn. I was aware that parenthood would be the toughest job I’d ever undertake, but what I didn’t expect was the flood of unsolicited opinions from family and friends on how to do it right.
For instance:
- “Are you sure he’s hungry again? Didn’t you just feed him?”
- “Doesn’t he need a hat? He might catch a chill.”
- “You should let him cry it out—he’ll learn independence.”
- “Pick him up! He’s clearly upset.”
- “Wow, he’s quite the handful. You really let him get away with too much, huh?”
- “You know, if you don’t teach him to share/sleep/eat properly, he’ll struggle later.”
These are just a few examples of the unsolicited judgments I faced during those early parenting years, often from well-meaning relatives or even strangers. Initially, I was caught off guard and stumbled through incoherent responses, wishing I could just escape the conversation.
What I really wanted to say was to mind their own business. But I tend to be civil, so over time, I developed some clever retorts to counteract the judgment and “advice” thrown my way. If you resonate with this sentiment and find yourself frustrated by unwanted parenting advice, here are some effective comebacks:
- Smile, nod, icy stare. Flash a friendly smile, nod in agreement, then unleash your best Resting Bitch Face once they turn away.
- “Would you like to take him for a day?” This light-hearted response captures the essence of reality: no one can truly understand your parenting unless they’ve walked in your shoes 24/7.
- Change the topic. Honestly, anything from the weather to current events would be a more pleasant discussion than justifying why my child isn’t potty trained yet.
- “Wow, I never considered that!” Or, “Oh wow, you’ve really opened my eyes. If only parenting was as simple as a five-minute time-out.”
- Play the ‘Every Child is Unique’ card. “That’s great that little Jamie loved veggies in fun shapes. My kid, on the other hand, prefers launching them across the room.”
- “My doctor recommends this approach.” This plays on authority; even if it’s not true, it often quiets the critics.
- Fake an emergency. “Oh no! My baby just had a massive diaper blow-out! Everyone should evacuate the area!”
- “He’s just having a rough day.” Kids have off days too, and if you’re only seeing my child in an unfamiliar setting, he might be acting out. Plus, your judgment is making my day worse too!
- “Really? Tell me about your flawless children.” Shifting the focus to their parenting experiences can not only redirect the conversation but sometimes even lead to a more honest discussion about the challenges we all face.
- Respond with “Interesting.” Internally, remind yourself that “I don’t care” is your mantra. Let it resonate.
Over time, I’ve found that the unsolicited advice tends to decrease as the years go by, or at least I’ve become more adept at handling it. Even now that my kids are older, I still encounter comments on how I’m raising them. However, I’ve grown more confident in my parenting choices and learned to brush off critiques more easily.
I firmly believe that every family is unique, and what works for one may not be suitable for another. Even if one of my children responds wonderfully to a method, the other might not. So, while I can appear sweet and accommodating on the surface, inside I’m advocating for a little space when it comes to unsolicited advice. If someone seeks your input, share it; otherwise, please keep your opinions to yourself.
For those navigating similar journeys, our post on at-home insemination kits can provide useful insights, and for additional resources, check out this excellent guide on pregnancy.
Summary
Parenting is challenging enough without the barrage of unsolicited advice from family and friends. When faced with critique, a blend of humor, redirection, and assertiveness can help you navigate these conversations gracefully. Ultimately, every family is different, and what works for one may not work for another.