Our first two children were exclusively bottle-fed. My partner, Sarah, had the desire to breastfeed, but during our first child’s infancy, she was stuck in a demanding job with no time to pump milk. With our second child, a surgical procedure shortly after birth affected her milk supply. Each time, Sarah expressed feelings of inadequacy.
I didn’t grasp the complexity involved until Sarah breastfed our third child, and I quickly learned that breastfeeding is far from straightforward. I naively assumed it would be an easy process, as it has been practiced for generations. However, I soon realized I was mistaken. There are numerous physical, emotional, and social layers to breastfeeding that I had never considered. Here are several key insights I gained from this experience.
1. Unexpected Leaks
I always thought breasts were reliable. They’ve existed since the beginning of time. Yet, I was shocked to see milk drip from Sarah when the baby cried or when it had been a while since the last feeding. Initially, I thought this was a flaw, but then I recognized that while I felt annoyed or confused when our children cried, Sarah’s body reacted both physically and emotionally. It was remarkable to witness how attuned she was to our baby’s needs.
2. Breasts Are Not for Me
Once our daughter, Mia, began crawling, Sarah and I playfully debated who she favored more. We set her down and called her from different rooms. When Mia crawled toward me, Sarah quickly removed her shirt. In a blink, Mia redirected herself to Sarah, mouth open wide. I realized my adolescent fantasies of having a beautiful woman casually around the house, well, weren’t quite what I imagined. Those breasts were not meant for me; they served a vital purpose for our child. It was eye-opening to see them in a nurturing light rather than merely a sexual one.
3. Jealousy of the Bond
For the first few months of Mia’s life, I felt utterly useless. She seemed to view me as an annoyance. If I looked at her too long, she would cry. Why? I couldn’t feed her. Without breasts, I was practically obsolete. It felt like a case of baby daddy discrimination.
4. The Complications of Nipples
From chapped nipples to creams and pads, the world of breastfeeding is filled with complications I had never even considered. My own nipples serve no real purpose, so witnessing all the issues surrounding Sarah’s was astounding. I had no idea how much complexity could arise from something so seemingly straightforward.
5. Breast Changes
It should have been obvious, but I learned that breasts enlarge when filled with milk. While I found this attractive, I also felt trepidation about touching them for fear of being sprayed. This created a strange mix of desire and apprehension.
6. Longing for Breasts
One day, while home alone with all three kids, Mia woke up crying and attempted to latch onto my arm. In that moment, I yearned for my own set of breasts, feeling utterly inadequate in that role.
7. Snuggling Envy
I’ve always enjoyed snuggling with newborns, which was easy with our first two kids due to bottle feeding. However, with Mia, I found myself sidelined because I lacked the ability to breastfeed. Watching Sarah cradle Mia while feeding her stirred a sense of jealousy in me.
8. Conversations Surrounding Breastfeeding
Sarah often discussed breastfeeding strategies with her friends, sharing tips on products and experiences. It became a common topic at playdates and dinner conversations. Initially, I found this odd and didn’t understand why someone would need a lactation consultant. However, after observing the challenges Sarah faced, I came to appreciate the complexity and beauty of breastfeeding. I was grateful to her for her dedication to nurturing our daughter.
9. Public Breastfeeding Controversy
During our first outing after Mia was born, Sarah breastfed her while covered. I noticed people staring as if she was doing something inappropriate. I reflected on all the effort Sarah had put into mastering breastfeeding and felt anger towards those judging her.
Parenthood has opened my eyes in unexpected ways. After nearly a decade of marriage, witnessing Sarah breastfeed changed my perspective entirely and deepened my respect for her—and for all mothers.
In conclusion, breastfeeding is a multifaceted experience filled with challenges and beauty. It’s something that fosters a deep connection between a mother and her child, and it deserves respect and understanding. For more insights on fertility and motherhood, check out resources like Make a Mom, Intracervical Insemination, and UCSF for comprehensive support.