As I prepared for the arrival of my firstborn, I had no specific roadmap for what the coming years would hold. Honestly, my main concern was surviving labor, which filled me with dread. I knew I was going to take at least one semester off from my job teaching at the college, but after that, I was at a loss.
Then he arrived: the most beautiful, intense, and captivating little being I had ever encountered. The first few months were a blur of endless nursing sessions and sleepless nights. He wouldn’t settle for anyone else but me, my partner, or—let’s be honest—my breasts. Looking back, I realize he might have accepted care from others eventually, but as a new mom, I simply couldn’t fathom how that could work.
Moreover, heading back to work financially didn’t make sense. Between commuting, my salary, and the exorbitant cost of childcare in my area, I would barely break even. So, I naturally fell into the role of a stay-at-home mom, driven by necessity and, quite frankly, by where my heart was leading me.
Years passed quickly. Five years in, I welcomed another child and found part-time work that fit around my partner’s schedule. Yet, through it all, I’ve been the one managing the home from dawn until my partner returns in the evening. Often, I navigate this on very little sleep, interrupted by nursing babies, sick kiddos, or anxious mom thoughts.
Let me be clear: it’s incredibly challenging. I love it, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. But being a stay-at-home mom is work—don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! It tests your limits but also helps you discover strengths you didn’t know you had. It’s a chance for your most resilient self to shine.
With my second child starting half-day pre-K this fall, I’m beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel (and, yes, the tears are already flowing). Reflecting on when I first began this journey, I realize I had no clue what I was doing. I often wondered how I would manage each long day.
Insights for New Stay-at-Home Moms
So, to all the new moms just embarking on this adventure, here are some insights to help you navigate the beautiful chaos of stay-at-home motherhood:
- It’s OK to vent.
It’s necessary and healthy. Occasionally expressing frustration doesn’t mean you love your kids any less or that you wouldn’t do anything for them. The stress and exhaustion can be overwhelming. Sharing your feelings can be a relief. - It’s OK to ask for help.
This is something I’m working on myself. If both you and the baby are unwell, don’t hesitate to ask your partner for a day off. If your toddler is throwing a tantrum, it’s perfectly fine to reach out to a neighbor for help. It truly takes a village. Don’t carry the burden alone; that’s how you’ll crack under pressure. - Avoid comparisons with other SAHMs.
Even those moms who seem to have it all together face their own struggles. We all grapple with the challenges of organization and patience daily. Yoga pants with holes and not showering for days? Yep, that’s part of the deal. - Get out of the house when you can.
You need adult interaction. I know it feels impossible to leave with kids in tow—no one is dressed, everyone is hungry, and the laundry is piled high. But just put on your jacket over your pajamas, grab your kids, and take a quick walk. Even chatting with the mailman can help break the monotony. - Toss the guilt aside.
I wrestled for years with my identity as a stay-at-home mom. I often questioned whether I should be doing something more significant or utilizing my college degree. It’s nonsense. Careers can wait. Many find that motherhood brings unexpected gifts to their professional lives. And about not earning an income? Consider how much you’d cost if you hired yourself. You’d break the bank! - Prioritize self-care.
I know this feels nearly impossible with little ones around, but it’s crucial. If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll have nothing left to offer. Steal 15 minutes for a bath, or take your dinner to your room for a few moments of peace. Do what you can to remember who you are beyond being a mom.
Being the primary caregiver for young children can be exhausting and isolating, but it’s also filled with extraordinary moments. The experiences I’ve shared with my children are nothing short of magical. I know that despite the challenges, I will look back fondly on these years and wish I could relive them.
So, to all the brand-new stay-at-home moms out there: it’s tough, and it’s meant to be. But you’re doing it! You’re creating memories, and even if you don’t see it yet, you’re crushing it. Give yourself some grace and revel in the importance of the work you are doing.
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Summary
Being a stay-at-home mom is both rewarding and challenging. It tests your limits but also reveals your inner strength. Embrace the chaos, vent when needed, seek help, and prioritize self-care. Remember, you are making invaluable memories and doing some of the most important work on earth.