Every now and then, I notice friends posting on social media with enthusiasm about how they just met an adorable newborn, declaring, “OMG! My ovaries just exploded! New babies are the best!” I can’t help but think, Really? Have you forgotten the sleepless nights, the leaky breasts, and the endless stream of spit-up?
Then there are those mothers who fondly reminisce about the toddler years, saying how delightful it was when their child “spoke the cutest phrases” (which often means they swore in public). I find myself wanting to yell: Do you not remember why we call them threenagers?
Other parents wax poetic about the joys of having teenagers, claiming it’s “totally fab” since they can borrow their clothes and keep up with the latest slang (yes, you can finally understand what “bae” means). Seriously? You sound a bit silly using phrases like “totally fab” in conversation.
The debate over the best parenting stage is as contentious as the age-old questions of whether to opt for an epidural or whether gifting a three-year-old an iPad is a good idea. Put a group of parents in a room, and you’ll get an array of opinions about which stage reigns supreme. To help clarify, let’s break it down.
Baby Stage
Pros: Newborns are irresistibly soft and adorable. They sleep nearly 20 hours a day, making them relatively easy to transport. Strap a baby into a car seat, and you’re ready to hit the local grocery store or try that new café, much like flaunting a designer handbag—except that car seat feels like it weighs a ton.
Cons: While they may sleep often, those naps are short-lived, usually coming in 37-minute bursts. This is just enough time for a new mom to shower, throw on a clean shirt, and gulp a lukewarm cup of coffee. And when a baby starts wailing in a public setting, and neither the breast nor the bottle does the trick, you often find yourself making a hasty retreat, leaving your meal half-eaten.
Toddler Stage
Pros: Watching a toddler take their first steps is heartwarming. They may even start sleeping through the night, allowing you to feel somewhat human again. Plus, they can articulate their needs, like “Me want milk!”
Cons: However, everything in your home suddenly becomes a potential hazard, from electrical outlets to makeup. And while they can express their desires, expect a meltdown if you serve milk in the “wrong” colored cup.
Preschool Stage
Pros: You finally get a few hours of peace while they are at school. When they return, they are usually worn out and ready for a nap, and they think you’re the best thing since sliced bread.
Cons: But when they’re awake, they seem to create chaos wherever they go, and their craft projects often turn your home into a glittery mess. Plus, their mood swings can rival those of a teenager.
Grade School Stage
Pros: Many parents consider this the “sweet spot.” Children can dress themselves, manage basic hygiene, and are off at school for hours. They can even entertain themselves on weekend mornings and troubleshoot your tech issues.
Cons: Third-grade math is a different story than it was a few decades ago. And don’t be surprised by the bickering over what to watch on TV; it can escalate in seconds, and they can be incredibly upset when their digital worlds collide in games like Minecraft.
Tween Stage
Pros: At this stage, they don’t despise you yet.
Cons: But they don’t harbor warm feelings either.
Teen Stage
Pros: It’s rewarding to see them grow into independent young adults, and you can share activities like shopping and hobbies. They can manage their own schedules and homework.
Cons: With this independence comes bigger worries: dating, substance use, and the mystery of who polished off the wine in the back of the fridge. Plus, they now converse in a language filled with acronyms and slang that leaves you scratching your head, not to mention the notorious eye-rolling.
In summary, each parenting stage has its highs and lows, and the best stage is often just about appreciating where you are right now. My favorite stage? It hasn’t changed in the last decade: it’s whatever stage we’re currently navigating.
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